Facebook Spoilers

I have noticed a growing and highly disturbing trend in Facebook status messages. A certain population of Facebook users seem to find it acceptable to post spoilers as their status messages, effectively ruining many important and exciting revealing moments for the rest of us sad saps. You would think people would just intuitively KNOW not to do something so douchey, but apparenty not.

Mike and I, like MANY other people out there, like to DVR tv shows and watch them later so we can skip commercials. Additionally, we're out here in California, so whatever happens on the East Coast takes 3 hours to make its way to us. And yet people refuse to consider these reasonable facts and instead decide it would be a good idea to post revealing info that absolutely deprive us from having our own organic experiences. This is in very poor taste, my friends. Very poor taste indeed.

Example: I'm not a huge Oscars fan, but I do love knowing the big 3 of Best Actress, Best Actor, and Best Picture. This year I trudged through the nearly the entire show waiting for Best Actor with great anticipation. With about 20 minutes of the show left, at least 6 people posted something like, "OMG I can't believe Sean Penn won Best Actor!!!" Entire Oscars ruined. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MISS LIPPY.

Another example: People on earlier time zones always post who gets kicked off of reality shows. Seriously, people? SERIOUSLY? You feel the need to post it on Facebook the SECOND it happens, before the rest of the United States has had a chance to find out for themselves??? One of the highlights of my week this summer has been So You Think You Can Dance. I love the dancers this season and I look forward to Thursday nights where I bite my nails while waiting to see if my favorites are going home. And even though I can skip to the end, I like the drama and the build up and the anticipation (doesn't everyone??). I work hard all week, surely I deserve this small pleasure? But no... I will log on to Facebook at around 7 pm and some East Coast asshole has written, "OMG I can't believe Randi got kicked off!" The ENTIRE SHOW is then destroyed for me, because why even bother watching when I know the outcome???

Last week my friend posted something about SYTYCD and I quickly wrote back and said, "I haven't seen it yet, please don't post any spoilers!!" Maybe 5 minutes later her friend responded to the SAME thread saying who got kicked off. WHAT THE F---?? I specifically asked for no spoilers! People, come ON! Can't you just wait a reasonable amount of time so as to ensure that everyone has had a fair chance? Is that SO difficult??

Mike says it is my fault for being on Facebook at any time when I don't want something to be revealed. I suppose this is somewhat true. But sometimes I just forget and log on anyway, and then get punished by someone's careless post. And why should I have to avoid Facebook? How about these Facebook Spoilers just think about other people for once and not just their own selfish whims? How about a little self-restraint when it comes to posting content that might possibly ruin something for someone else? I swear, if Facebook existed in the late 90's, a million morons would have posted, "OMG I can't believe Bruce Willis was dead the WHOLE MOVIE."

So yeah, I'm really freaking sick of people on Facebook ruining things for me. Can't you at least post something vague, like you were surprised, or you were unhappy, but not reveal the actual spoiler??? Or if you absolutely must share your reaction to some big reveal, call someone or send them an email. Don't put it out there for everyone to see and RUIN EVERYTHING for the rest of us. Or in the LEAST write "SPOILER ALERT" in big letters before your post. That at least gives the rest of us a small chance of avoiding your bad taste.

Anyway, I am considering unfriending anyone who posts any more Facebook spoilers. I will also try to avoid Facebook for the Oscars and SYTYCD and any other time I don't want some dumbass to spoil everything. It's a shame that I have to resort to this, but desperate times...

P.S. The picture really has nothing to do with the post, but it's HILARIOUS.

Renegade Cyclists

Last night I got out of work and was walking to my car. I looked left and right and stepped into the crosswalk. A cyclist came whizzing by and passed behind me, fully clad in his uniform of bright yellow spandex and expensive polarized lenses. He yells at me: JESUS CHRIST YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK WHERE YOU WERE GOING!!!!

1) Yes I did. I looked left and right and saw no cars (or bikes for that matter). I proceeded. I didn't realize that once IN the crosswalk, I was supposed to remain hyper-vigilant in case of random attacks from assholes on bikes.

2) BIKERS HAVE TO FOLLOW THE VEHICLE CODE. That means cyclists have to yield to pedestrians, and stop at stop signs, and stay off the sidewalk, and look where the hell they're going. And yet this rarely happens. I can't even count the number of times I have almost been run down by some guy on a bike who thinks that just b/c he is sparing the air by choosing a bike over a car that he gets to be above the law and do whatever the hell he wants and act like a first class douche. I HATE that mentality...oh, I'm doing the environment a favor, so everyone get the hell out of my way! That's like saying, "I recycle, so it's okay if I assault a few elderly people." One good act does not give you free license to put other people in danger.

I love how this guy was recklessly zooming down a busy downtown street and yet I am the one who gets yelled at. How come the police are all over you if you're in a parking space for 30 seconds past your meter, and yet they are nowhere to be found when some jackass in spandex is blatantly giving the finger to the rules of the road? In any event, I hope that guy hits a pothole and has a "come to Jesus" moment with his bike frame.

The "Why Aren't You Married" Stigma (a.k.a. You Can Like It Even If You Didn't Put a Ring On It)

Recently I have been asked the following extremely annoying question by several people, on several occasions: You and your boyfriend live together, why aren't you engaged? Besides being a sensitive and highly personal question, there is NO good answer. There is nothing you can say that doesn't come off as defensive or that actually satisfies the asker. I know, because I have tried to find the perfect response, but to no avail. They have a rebuttal to any reasonably argument I try to make as to why my unmarried cohabitation is AOK. No matter what I say, I WILL be judged.

I've tried the classic response, "we're happy with the way things are," but no one ever believes that. They think I'm secretly dying for a big rock, and won't feel complete until my poor ring finger is no longer tragically naked. I've tried, "we know we want to be together, so we aren't in a rush," but then they ask why we don't just get married if we know we want to be together. I've tried being practical: "Mike is in law school, Mike is studying for the bar, we are both just getting started in our careers, I don't want to lose eligibility for my loan repayment program, etc" but apparently people think matrimony supersedes all financial, logistical, or other reasonable and practical life considerations. I'm SURE the CA Bar Examiners would give Mike some extra time on the test if they knew he was getting MARRIED! I've even tried, "we're broke and can't afford a wedding." I thought that would shut people up, but that response also never satisfies. They tell me my parents will pay for it. I tell them this is unlikely. So they suggest taking out a loan. I don't think that the solution to being broke is to add to your debt. They then try suggesting that we just have a "small, inexpensive wedding." Ugh. After Prop 8 passed, we felt very strongly about not getting married until Prop 8 is overturned, and tried to explain this to people. But even though that logic is good enough for Brangelina, it ain't good enough for the general population. In sum...I can't win.

No matter what I say, I end up feeling like I have just been put through some weird social test which I have failed miserably. They think I'm some poor girl whose man won't commit, or my relationship isn't as good as I think it is, or I should be planning some fake pregnancy to force the issue. (I've also started getting the whole "you're 30, you don't have all the time in the world to have babies, you'd better get on that" line of comments, but that is a whole other infuriating and rude topic.)

My response to all of this? BLLLLLLLLLLEEEECK. Leave me alone! I won't even bother saying all those things about how it is no one's business, or how I know what is best for myself, or how every couple is different. I will only say this: That is a RUDE ass question, and no one should ask it, especially of someone they don't know that well. And Beyonce, darling...I love your work, but you're not helping.

P.S. If anyone can come up with an excellent response to the question of "why aren't you married?" that both shuts someone up and points out to them that they are being rude, or that is just really funny, PLEASE pass it along! I'd love to hear your suggestions...

Update: I Forgive Starbucks (Mostly)

So today I went to pick up the "drink coupons" we were promised as a result of Mike being accused of stealing. When I said I was there to pick up the coupons, they looked scared. This woman goes, "oh, here, let me help you. Um...we found your $5." Of COURSE you did. Because we paid with a $10!!!! I'm sure the register was over by $5, and they realized that accusatory barista was just an ass. Hooray, Mike's good name is cleared! They apparently thought I was going to be a big jerk about it. But I wasn't. I wasn't looking to be a jerk, I just wanted my money! Although it took forever to get the money and coupons out of the safe, and while I was waiting I ordered a tall coffee, and they charged me for it. Ha! I kind of thought I might have gotten it for free, but whatever.

Anyway, they did get the safe open, and gave me my $5 back AND two drink coupons. Which was nice, so I'm going to end my Starbucks boycott.

However...the guy who kept accusing Mike was pretty aggressive. I think he should have apologized. He wasn't there when I went in, but he could have left a short note in the envelope. Because he was WRONG and falsely accused a customer of LYING and trying to STEAL! I understand that people don't apologize much unless they are forced to, and it isn't the hugest deal. But it would have been nice.

At the end of the day, the biggest issue was that I deserved to get my money back. And that's exactly what happened. So even though I think it was crappy of the barista to be so nasty to Mike and accuse him of lying/stealing, I'll let it go. Which is good, because I really like my grande nonfat lattes, and it is RIGHT near my house...

Gimme My Money, Starbucks!!

A few days, I gave Mike some money to buy something at the store. He came back and gave me a $10 bill as my change. I put it in my cup holder. I remember seeing it every time I got into my car for the next several days. I even remember thinking "hmm...I don't get $10 bills that often." This fact will become relevant shortly.

This morning, I gave Mike the $10 bill from the cup holder to buy us both coffee. He ran into Starbucks and I waited in the car. Mike returned with $1 in change for 2 coffees. Um...where's the rest of my money???

Apparently the guy told Mike he owed $4, Mike gave him the $10, and the guy gave him $1 back. Mike says, "Excuse me, I gave you a $10." The guy says, "Nope, you gave me a $5. I'm sure of it." Mike understandably gets mad. He says, "No, I'm 100% positive I gave you a $10." The guy tells him he is 100% positive it was a $5. Mike asks for a manager. The guy says we'd have to contact SEATTLE to look at the tape recording and see who was telling the truth, and that would take at least 30 minutes. Mike and I were meeting some friends, so he just left.

He gets in the car and I'm all "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO! We are calling those shady bastards this INSTANT!" So we called, and the woman who answered said the same thing about having to call Seattle to review the tapes. And of course no one is in the Seattle office today, because it is a holiday. Um...can't they just count the register? If it's even, the barista was right (which he SO was NOT), and if it's over $5, then we are telling the truth (and it of course would have been over $5.). But this isn't an option?

What kind of a racket is this??? Apparently any sketchy barista can lie about how much money you gave them, and then simply say "oh, too bad, we have to have the execs from Seattle sort this out, and it will take a LONG time," so that you just give up and walk away out of frustration, and then they are ostensibly free to pocket your money. I don't think so, Star-take my 5-bucks.

At least the woman on the phone was nice, and she agreed to give us $5 in Starbucks drink coupons. Oh great. So after they try to steal our money, we get coupons to give them more business. Fantastic. Also, all the while the barista who caused this whole problem was in the background yelling "I know it was a $5 bill! He gave me a $5!" So basically we can't ever go in there again anyway, since they will surely spit in our coffee.

I know it's only $5, but no way can they get away with that behavior. Maybe they get a lot of people in there trying to swindle them. And maybe since it was only $5, we should have just let it go. But I'm not so keen on some giant corporation accusing us of lying and taking our money, leaving us with no recourse. Although it is ONLY $5, it is MY $5, and I would like it back.

So anyway, I just thought it was kind of funny that I had my $10 bill in my cup holder for a few days, or else I NEVER would have been so absolutely positive that Mike had paid with a $10. I also thought that companies these days were smart enough to leave your money out in plain view until they give you change, to avoid such potential conflicts. Guess not.

So for the foreseeable future, I'm totally anti-Starbucks. I will probably get over it next time I'm desperate for caffeine and Starbucks is the only thing in sight. But for now, they will be known as Starsucks. Because they do suck. A latte.

Aspiring Musicians

Last night Mike and I were on BART going to his graduation party. (Hooray for Mike! He has a JD!!! Congrats!) To my supreme annoyance (but also mild amusement), two aspiring musicians were sitting behind us.

These two fit every cliche you can imagine. White, 20-something, shabbily dressed, likely high. One of them was a WBWD (white boy with dreads). Mike and I couldn't help but listen to their loud conversation during the 30-minute ride whille we silently judged them. In between all the "dudes" and the "mans" and the "ya knows," the dialogue contained some real gems. Below are a few excerpts from their "deep" conversation:

-Dude, you really need to push your chops.

-I'm trying to make music that's outside the box, man.

-I'm still not down from the clouds, man, ya know?

-I'm trying to push my sonic level.

-We're just like, on a different creative journey.

-There's been this stagnant vibe, dude.

And my personal favorite:
Dude number one: Dude, this is the SUMMER of seeing shows.
WBWD: Wait...didn't we spend all of LAST summer seeing shows?
Dude number one: Well, like, this summer will be even BETTER.

And at one point, WBWD got all serious and says, "I've got to admit it's getting better. It's getting better...all the time." Then they both pondered how deep those lyrics are. Oh...my...GOD.

I swear, all of those statements were all actually said by these two dudes. Mike is my witness. I even took out a piece of paper from my purse and wrote them down, so that their profound wisdom would not be lost in the universe.

BARF...ME. Why are so many aspiring musicians such blatant cliches??? I know I sound like a big jerk (and hell, maybe I am a big jerk), but I have dated three aspiring musicians in my past, and they all fit this stereotype to a TEE. I have yet to meet any aspiring musician who was any different from any other aspiring musician. From my experience, they are pretentious, think they are SO unique, and love to blame the world for "not understanding them." And most often don't have gainful employment. Who has time to work when you're "changing the world with your unique sound," ya know?

Dude, man, whatever you are...take a shower, put down the bong, and get a JOB, like, ya know. The odds are you possess mediocre musical ability, your songs are probably boring at best, and there exists an outside chance in hell that you will "make it." If you must, keep your bass guitar as a nice little hobby, and hit up the occasional open mic night...but how about growing up a bit? There is nothing unique about you, except that you are uniquely NOT contributing to society.

My Gym Nemesis

There is a woman at my gym whom I have decided is my sworn enemy. I hate her. Here is why I hate her:

Every evening, she gets on an elliptical machine and starts GOING AT IT. Like, ridiculously so. She tenses up, puts her head down, and starts pumping her arms and legs like she's on speed or something. I think she might be demon possessed.

So yes, that is irritating, but it is not why I hate her. I hate her because while she is flailing like a madwoman on her machine, she breathes EXCESSIVELY loud. She forces out every exhale with a highly audible sound, which comes out rapid fire due to her strenuous pace. It sounds like this: tshoo, tshoo, tshoo, tshoo, etc. It is SO loud that it fills the room, and is SO ridiculously distracting. I can't focus on anything except for how annoying she is and how much I hate her and want to cause her physical harm. I have to blast my music to drown her out, and even then I can STILL hear her! She is ridiculous. Her and her dumb French braid and tight capri workout pants.

Then she gets off the elliptical and gets on a stationary bike to cool down. You'd think she would stop the loud breathing. But nope. She slows it down, but does not lower the volume. TSHOOOOOO, TSHOOOOOO, TSHOOOOOOO. I thought of asking the woman at the front desk if she could tell madwoman to shut the hell up because she is ruining my workout, but I'm pretty sure the front desk lady would think I was nuts, and would possibly even revoke my membership.

Madwoman also seems to have this magical power of knowing when I've gotten onto a machine, and then picks the one DIRECTLY next to me. When she shows up, I almost want to stop working out and move to a new machine, just to avoid her. A few times I have forgotten my iPod, and when she showed up, I seriously almost left the gym altogether.

So if that wasn't bad enough, she did the crappiest thing today. At our gym you have to write down the time you get on, and you're only supposed to be on there for 30 minutes. But people stay on longer all the time, which I find acceptable as long as there are open machines. Today, obnoxious madwoman went up to the perfectly normal woman on the machine next to me and said, "excuse me, you've been on the machine for 3o minutes." You may be thinking, those are the rules, what is wrong with that? But there were several EMPTY MACHINES. In fact, there was one RIGHT next to her! And the poor woman only had like, 2 minutes left. Who kicks someone off a machine when there are identical machines free and available??? This assface, that's who. So there she is next to me AGAIN, making we want to hurl my full Sigg bottle at her head.

To sum up: assface French-braided madwoman is not only supremely irritating, but she is also a huge jerk. And she is my nemesis. A showdown is looming. I'll keep you posted.