Automatic Toilets/Faucets/Hand Dryers

I hate automatic things in the bathroom. They seem to always do the exact opposite of what you want them to. The toilet, for instance, likes to flush while I am sitting on it. And yet, when I stand up and actually want it to flush, it does not. How disgusting for the toilet to flush while you are on it, as you inevitability get splashed with some toilet water that is composed of part water and part GOD KNOWS what else. EW. And how disgusting to leave a toilet unflushed. See? Automatic toilet is crap (pun intended). Give us the manual flusher back and we'll continue to flush it with our foot and everyone's happy.

Same with the automatic faucet. You sit there and wave your hand under it. Nothing happens. You keep waving. Nothing. And there is no alternative method of initiating water flow. So you sit there and keep waving like an idiot and hope that you can engage in sanitary hygiene practices like washing your hands after using a stupid toilet that flushed on you.

If you are lucky enough to be able to wash your hands, then you are faced with the automatic dryer, or the new-fangled automatic paper towel dispenser. You wave and wave and no hot air starts blowing or no paper towel comes out. And now you're waving with wet hands, which start dripping all down your arms and soaking your sleeves. Often you give up and just wipe your hands on your pants. Now those are wet, too.

So let's recap: You just wanted to use the facilities. Now you've had nasty toilet water spewed on you, you may not have been able to wash your hands, and your sleeves and/or pants are all wet. All of this courtesy of a technology that is supposed to enable us to not have to touch anything in the bathroom. Hmmm...

P.S. These automatic annoyances are further evidence that machines are evil and intentionally mess with us. See previous post on (Evil) Automated Phone Operators.