Backseat Drivers

I have to begin this post with an admission. Last week while driving back from my dad's house for Thanksgiving, I was an egregious backseat driver. I had to go to the bathroom (shocker), and did not feel as though Mike was driving sufficiently fast enough to get me to a rest stop. He was taking a right turn while a large Mack truck was approaching fast. I said "watch out for that truck!" And what was Mike's reaction? Did he know exactly what I was talking about and thus speed up to get out of the intersection safely and avoid the truck? Of course not...I scared the crap out of him and he hit the brakes.

If I had said nothing, Mike would have made his turn just fine, the very large truck would not have hit us, and we would be on our way. But instead, we both freaked out, then he had to slam on the gas to finish his turn, the enormous Mack truck whizzed by us, and our hearts were still pounding by the time we got to the rest stop. I'm still apologizing for it.

That's about the normal reaction of backseat driving. Someone says "watch out" and your initial instinct is to slam on the brakes while your stomach does a few cartwheels and your heart leaps out of your chest. It is far MORE dangerous then whatever minor traffic condition the backseat driver was trying to warn you of. Unless there is, in fact, something directly in front of you that the driver is going to crash into in a mere moment, then zip your lip. An example of when it's ok: a few weeks ago I got so excited about a legal brief while I was driving my boss to lunch that I would have crashed into a stopped car in front of me if he didn't scream for me to stop. Now THAT was appropriate backseat driving. But for the rest of you, close your eyes and say a few Hail Marys if you have to, but for the love...don't unnecessarily scare the bejeezus out of the person operating a potentially deadly vehicle!!

Besides being extremely dangerous, backseat driving is also SUPER irritating. "That car up there is coming to a stop," "Look out for that guy turning," "I think this person is about to change lanes." Um, yeah...I passed my driver's test when I was freaking 16. I am aware of the cars around me, I don't need a running narrative of my environment. And what do these backseat drivers think happens when they aren't in the car without their sage guidance? Do they think you just speed around willy nilly, carelessly bashing into cars left and right? All because the backseat driver isn't there to explain the nuances of traffic patterns around you? The answer is no, backseat driver. We all do just fine. If someone actually DOES drive that piss poorly, then it's safe to say you shouldn't be in the car with them anyway. And besides, there are people whose job it is to monitor motorists. They are called police.

In sum, barring an emergency, there is no excuse for backseat driving. It is irritating and dangerous. If you don't like someone's driving, then you have two choices: keep your mouth shut, or don't get in the car with them. Or if you really feel a burning desire to tell people how to drive, then teach Driver's Ed.

Oh, and Mike: I'm still sorry about the truck incident. It won't happen again, or you can forbid me from talking in your car. You have it here in writing...