No, I'm not talking about friends actually from Switzerland. I'm talking about those friends who insist on remaining neutral in any and all disputes. They don't want to get involved or be put in the middle. They want to stay friends with everyone. Personally, I can't stand friends like this.
Let me give some illustrative examples. Mary is dating Joe. Jane is Mary's very close friend. In a manipulative move, Jane causes problems between Mary and Joe, breaks them up, and then takes Joe for herself. Mary and Jane are clearly no longer friends. A "Swiss" friend who was initially friends with both Mary and Jane would choose to stay friends with both. As a justification for this, "Swiss" friends often rely on the phrase: "Well, she never did anything to ME..."
Another example: Bob and Dave are co-workers and friends. Bob works hard for a week on a project, and the company execs are highly impressed. Sneaky Dave somehow steals credit for it and gets some type of work-related perk for his good work. Bob confronts Dave and Dave is unapologetic. When Bob asks "Swiss" friend, Lou, how he can still associate with Dave after what he did, Lou says, "Well, he's never done anything to ME..."
I think you get the point. What drives me nuts about this is that these are not situations that warrant neutrality. It's not like Mary was rude to Jane, and Jane was hurtful in return. Or Dave stole some small part of Bob's credit because Dave was afraid for his own job security. In cases like that, okay...I can see not wanting to get involved. What I'm talking about here are cases of major betrayal, cases that indicate substantial personality flaws such as complete disregard for the feelings of others. So "Swiss" friend: these people may not have done anything to you YET...but believe me, they will! Jane could very well ruin a relationship of yours, Dave could easily turn around and steal your hard work without remorse. Just wait...you'll see. And don't expect Mary or Bob to be sympathetic when you're the one on the receiving end.
I want a friend who HAS MY BACK. A friend who can get over their fear of people not liking them enough to know when to support me. A friend who doesn't tolerate it when other people screw over their friends, a friend with a solid sense of right and wrong.
Neutrality is great in a mediator, or in a war zone, or in paint shades for your living room. But when someone decks your friend in a bar, get off that barstool, smash a beer bottle on the counter, and get into the fray!!
Let me give some illustrative examples. Mary is dating Joe. Jane is Mary's very close friend. In a manipulative move, Jane causes problems between Mary and Joe, breaks them up, and then takes Joe for herself. Mary and Jane are clearly no longer friends. A "Swiss" friend who was initially friends with both Mary and Jane would choose to stay friends with both. As a justification for this, "Swiss" friends often rely on the phrase: "Well, she never did anything to ME..."
Another example: Bob and Dave are co-workers and friends. Bob works hard for a week on a project, and the company execs are highly impressed. Sneaky Dave somehow steals credit for it and gets some type of work-related perk for his good work. Bob confronts Dave and Dave is unapologetic. When Bob asks "Swiss" friend, Lou, how he can still associate with Dave after what he did, Lou says, "Well, he's never done anything to ME..."
I think you get the point. What drives me nuts about this is that these are not situations that warrant neutrality. It's not like Mary was rude to Jane, and Jane was hurtful in return. Or Dave stole some small part of Bob's credit because Dave was afraid for his own job security. In cases like that, okay...I can see not wanting to get involved. What I'm talking about here are cases of major betrayal, cases that indicate substantial personality flaws such as complete disregard for the feelings of others. So "Swiss" friend: these people may not have done anything to you YET...but believe me, they will! Jane could very well ruin a relationship of yours, Dave could easily turn around and steal your hard work without remorse. Just wait...you'll see. And don't expect Mary or Bob to be sympathetic when you're the one on the receiving end.
I want a friend who HAS MY BACK. A friend who can get over their fear of people not liking them enough to know when to support me. A friend who doesn't tolerate it when other people screw over their friends, a friend with a solid sense of right and wrong.
Neutrality is great in a mediator, or in a war zone, or in paint shades for your living room. But when someone decks your friend in a bar, get off that barstool, smash a beer bottle on the counter, and get into the fray!!
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