Inaccurate Assumptions of Like-Mindedness

Recently I boarded a flight in Oakland that was headed for Dallas. I ended up seated next to a very large man (so large, in fact, that he had to lift the armrest between us to fit in his seat, but that's a whole 'nother entry). He was very polite and tried to engage me in standard airplane small talk. I told him I was a law student at Berkeley, he told me he was from a small town in Kentucky. He then decided it would be safe to assume that I shared his viewpoints on a variety of topics. For instance, he laughed at how vile avocados are, and how those crazy, liberal Californians put them on everything. He chuckled at how ridiculous it was when his college-aged daughter came home the other day saying "something about how gays should have rights." He got a bit more serious when expressing his condemnation of all Bush opposers, especially those audacious movie stars who vocally oppose the war. After all, said Mr. Kentucky, Bush has a PhD from YALE...what do THEY have??? Those are just some of the highlights of Mr. Kentucky's rantings on to poor, captive-audience me, trying unsuccessfully to look sleepy or deeply interested in my magazine.

People who assume I share their viewpoints absolutely drive me nuts. These people are so wrapped up in their own view of the world that they make no efforts to confirm that they are actually speaking to a like-minded person. This failure to confirm a sympathetic audience results in injuries ranging from amused irritation to much deeper offenses.

For example, I love avocados. Am I offended by his characterization of them as vile? Of course not. Does it bother me that he called Californians crazy liberals? No way (After all, I'm from New England.). This is what I would consider amused irritation. When he starts expecting me to laugh at the assertion that gays should have rights? Well, now I'm not amused, I'm very uncomfortable, and I get stuck in that whole internal debate of "do I tell him I disagree or is it not worth it because I'll never see him again and is it not worth the risk of possibly getting into an argument with a stranger but can I honestly sit here with my mouth shut and let him keep talking to me like this and why won't he let me read my magazine already...."

I mean, I live in California...doesn't he realize I might be one of those crazy liberals? (Ooh...maybe he DID realize and was waiting for me to assert myself as such so he could launch into a judgmental condemnation of my crazy liberal ways???).

Putting Mr. Kentucky and his W-lovin' ways aside, there are many people like him. People who say "how much did you hate that piece of crap movie," when you thought it was the best movie you've ever seen. People who say things like, "Jesus loves you," without knowing if you are Jewish or Muslim or agnostic. People who make a horrifying comment to you about how your colleague only got his/her job because he/she was a minority, and then wait for you to share their indignation. I suppose it is sometimes okay, if it's regarding something benign...but when it gets into more serious and sensitive areas...it's just not appropriate.

I know that on some level we all are guilty of some form of egocentrism, ethnocentrism, or "fill in the blank"-centrism...but in 2008, I would think most people would know it is not a safe bet to assume someone shares your cultural views, religious views, political views, etc. And yet, it still happens, all the time. And it drives me nuts.

P.S. I did politely let Mr. Kentucky know that I was liberal and agreed with his daughter about gays having rights. He chuckled and said, "that's okay, darlin'...you're young, you'll grow out of it."

P.P.S. Mr. Kentucky's assertion that George W. Bush has a PhD from Yale does not make it so.