Cat Calling

This one is for the ladies. I don't expect that most men understand the frustrating, embarrassing, and degrading experience of being cat called. I do expect (sadly) that a majority of women have experienced this on a semi-frequent basis. It is not only obnoxious and humiliating, but on a more serious note, I believe it to be psychologically damaging.

You can often anticipate when the cat calls will come. If you are a woman walking down the street alone, for example, and you are about to pass one or more men who are sitting on the side of the street taking a break from some job, then you can pretty safely expect a comment. It could be as basic as "hello," as embarrassing as "damn girl, you're looking FINE," to something much, much more vulgar. Perhaps if it is a kind compliment, such as "you're looking lovely today," then you might be a bit flattered...but for the most part, I get annoyed, or embarrassed, or uncomfortable. If it is something vulgar or very explicit, I get furious.

Sometimes a woman is walking down the street and a man will slow down his car to yell something about her appearance or her body. Sometimes a group of women are the targets. Sometimes you can ignore a cat caller and they will leave you alone. That's just irritating. But sometimes you ignore them and they follow you, persistently keeping at it. This is where you start to get really uncomfortable and possibly afraid. Sometimes, and this is when I am absolutely fearful for my safety, they get angry that you are ignoring them.

Don't get me wrong...I have been either flattered by a seemingly sincere compliment from a stranger, or even amused. My favorite comment came from a homeless man in the Tenderloin who said, "Damn girl, you'd better watch out, you're gonna get arrested! It's against the law to look that sexy!" But even that amusement comes with a sense of unease, the knowledge that you are being objectified, and the graver reality that men are typically larger and stronger than women. With these comments we become instantly and acutely aware of our sexuality, our weakness, and our vulnerability. Though often these men are just having "fun," we are aware of how easily we might be overpowered, and the horrific consequences were that worst-case scenario to materialize.

Most men who cat call must think it is harmless, or possibly even think women should appreciate the compliment. But with the obvious power dynamic, cat calling is serious and damaging and not at all fun for most women. Recently I was approached by a man who came right up to me in a dark parking lot. He kept smiling and telling me he wasn't going to hurt me, but he just needed some money to get home. We both knew his story about the money was not true, and we both knew that I would give him the money because I was afraid of what he would do if I did not. I was afraid, but also furious...because if I was a man, he would have never exploited my fear and I would not have had to give up $8. So even though I knew what he was doing, I had to comply. Though this man was not cat calling, cat calling has the same impact...it places women in a terrible position where we want to react openly about our distaste for what is happening, but cannot for fear of the consequences.

In conclusion, I hate cat calling because it is obnoxious, but I hate it even more for the psychological impact it has on women. I hate that I have to be careful walking down the street alone, even in broad daylight, and I hate the way I feel exposed and embarrassed every time I get a rude or explicit comment. And I wonder if any of these men have EVER successfully landed a woman by yelling at her on the street that she has a nice ass. Such a nice story to tell to the grandkids some day...