Eavesdropping Strangers and Strange Conversations

I'm a pretty talkative and social person. In fact, most would say I am TOO talkative. But one thing I do know is when to NOT eavesdrop on a stranger's conversation and then inject myself into it. Many people do not know this.

For example, the other day I was on the phone with my niece. She is 5. I was at Trader Joe's, but to be polite I stood outside until my conversation was over. My niece and I often get really silly when we chat, and as I was getting off the phone, I said, "Bye bye, Monkey Face." I then walked into TJ's. Some strange guy comes up to me, looking all serious-like, and says, "Who were you just talking to?" I should have told him, "None of your business, Nosey Parker," but I was startled and told him I was talking to my niece. Then he smiled and said, "Oh, that's fine, as long as you weren't talking to an adult." Well, Nosey Parker, for one thing, I wasn't talking to YOU. For another, I don't need you to approve whether I can call someone Monkey Face or not.

My friend Elana was shamed by a random stranger in a bathroom once. Elana was telling a friend about a baby shower gift she couldn't really use, and this woman basically told Elana that she should give her shower gifts to charity so people who really needed them could use them. What does this woman know about Elana? What business is it of hers? The answer is, none. It's none of her business.

Eavesdropping happens all the time. I guess people feel as though if you are conversing in their presence, then they have a right to weigh in on the conversation. If you're blabbing on your cell phone, then MAYBE I can see that logic. But if you're having a private A and B conversation with another party, then strangers should C their way out of it.

Okay, I'll admit, sometimes I eavesdrop and then inject myself into a conversation. Like yesterday, the cashier at the coffee shop was talking to a man about New Hampshire, and how she graduated from the University of New Hampshire. Well, I ALSO graduated from UNH, and you don't meet very many Wildcats out here in the Bay Area, so I said, "Excuse, me, I don't mean to interrupt, but I went to UNH, too!" And then we reminiscened about good old Durham, NH. I guess I felt that it was okay because I wasn't scolding or judging...I was relating! And once these two girls were debating whether one of them should buy a certain pair of shoes, and I interrupted to say that I thought they looked great. Because they did. And then I walked away and left them alone. So I suppose what I object to are people who are NOT being kind or helpful, or don't know when to walk away and leave you alone.

I also can't stand it when strangers come up to talk to you, unprovoked, and engage you in a bizarro conversation. Last week I was in line for the bathroom at a coffee shop (yes, I'm at coffee shops a lot these days...it's finals time!), and I'm just minding my own business. This random guy comes up to me and stands really close to me, and takes out a $5 bill and looks at me very seriously. He says, "Did you know that Lincoln was our only Buddhist president?" Now, I'm a big fan of my personal space, so I'm already uncomfortable. I'm like, uh, no, I didn't know that. And he says, "Yeah, he got shot in the temple." And he pointed to his temple. So now I'm like, oh...it was a joke. A bad, bad joke. But he's not smiling or laughing, and I'm not sure what my reaction is supposed to be, and why won't that person in the bathroom come out and save me??!! I just want to wait in line for the bathroom in peace...is that so much to ask for?

Anyway, my point is that people should mind their own business and/or not make complete strangers uncomfortable by engaging them in strange dialogue. It's fine to be friendly, it's fine to smile, and sometimes it's fine to eavesdrop/interrupt/engage a stranger if you're being nice or helpful. But let's leave the judgment, the chastisement, and the awkwardness out of it...we have families for that.