People Who Think They Know...But They Don't Know

It should be a cardinal rule that if you do not have firsthand experience with something, you are not allowed to speak about the subject with authority. Many people are flagrant violators of this. They have read about something at great length, or heard about it or seen movies or programs about it, and they have talked about it, so they feel as though they have a valid opinion. But there is a difference between knowing about something in an abstract, academic way, and really knowing about it because you have lived it. Because there are some things you just can't know about unless you've been through them, and those people who speak all authoritatively about these things with their strong opinions are often useless, condescending, detached, and even ignorant.

There are so many examples of things you should not speak of if you have not been through them. This list includes, but is not limited to: getting married, having kids, being a member of a minority/underrepresented/oppressed group, and what it is like to have a certain job.

For example, some people say they will never have an epidural, and then judge people who do. "Oh, I can't believe those selfish women who drug their babies." If you've actually had a baby without drugs, then you've earned some street-cred. But otherwise, maybe hold your tongue untill you've squeezed out a kid sans meds.

Or maybe you're one of those people who says you'll never let your kids watch tv. But after hours of playing make-believe with Indiana Jones action figures and always being forced to be the bad guy, and you just don't know how many other times you can say, "I'm coming to get you, Indy!" and running around the room chasing a kid whose energy never dies, then Finding Nemo might become your best friend. God bless that little clown fish.

I've never had a child, but I have been an elementary school teacher. That's an area where people like to be super judgmental. People would always say that I had no right to complain about anything because I had summers off. I wish they understood that summer vacation is not a luxury, but a necessity. It takes at least 4 weeks for you to calm down and feel like a human being again instead of a burned-out zombie. A school year feels like an 8-month beating, and you need to recover and heal your wounds before another year (and another beating) begins. Another thing people like to criticize teachers for is how they use class time. Yeah, sometimes I did cop out and give them busy work or pop in a movie. Not often, but after a week where one kid was under his desk banging on it, and another went into the coat closet and refused to come out, and another was stabbing his hand with his pencil until he bled, I needed a freaking break. At least I showed them Charlotte's Web. I mean, it's totally literary. My basic point...if you've never taught, then you DON'T KNOW.

In law school there are all sorts of judge-y, inexperienced people. I know this one person who is on her third post-graduate degree. She has all these super critical opinions about practicing lawyers. She has never practiced. Not even a brief internship. In fact, I don't know if she has ever even had a job. All she does is study topics and write about them. It drives me NUTS. She lives in her pristene ivory tower of academia and has NO real-world experience, and yet she is harshly critical of all sorts of things. Super opinionated people with no real-world experience are the worst. They contribute nothing to society and yet stand back and constantly criticize the people who do.

True, there is value to an academic, detached approach. It can enhance real-life experiences and push critical thinking to a new level. And obviously I respect professors who publish their ideas and inspire thought and discussion. But it has to be combined with SOME kind of actual participation or contribution in the world. Or else you're just a critic with no authority. And your opinion means nothing to me.

In sum, if you are going to be a critic, make sure you know what you're talking about. And if you don't know what you're talking about, then be damn careful before you criticize and judge. Because it's morally superior and obnoxious. I conclude with the following easy-to-remember mantra: Don't hate...participate.