Environmental Petition Bullies

For Taylor

You're walking down the street. You're probably pretty busy. You reach an intersection and wait for the light to change. You are then approached by someone with a clipboard. They want to talk to you about the environment. They only want "a moment of your time." They approach you with a comment such as, "Do you care about the earth?" Suggesting that if you do not stop and talk to them, you do not care about the earth. If you politely decline, they do not leave it at that. They press on, becoming more and more insistent that either you sign the petition, or you are personally responsible for the demise of baby polar bears in the North Pole. Poor little polar bears...

The light changes. If you are fortunate enough to get past this bully with a clipboard, you cross the street...and are confronting with yet ANOTHER bully with a clipboard. He or she is wearing a matching t-shirt. You look around...there is a bully with a clipboard at EVERY corner. You are surrounded! You are powerless to evade them. No matter which direction you approach the intersection from...be prepared for the inevitable clipboard in your face, threats of Armageddon if you don't stop to sign it, and precious minutes of your life irretrievably gone.

Don't get me wrong...I love the environment. I recycle. I try to conserve water. I walk or take public transportation whenever possible. I bring reusable bags to grocery store. But forgive me if I don't feel like talking to some peppy, privileged, self-important punk with a useless petition who is aggressive to the point of rude and utilizes guilt and blame to accomplish his or her purposes. How do they know I didn't sign the petition some other time? How do they know what kind of a person I am? Why do they feel entitled to tell me how and when I should contribute to environmental issues? And why is their time more important than my time?

If I want to hear about your cause, I'll stop and ask. Solicit my attention politely, and leave me the hell alone if I don't give it to you. And I don't have concrete data to back this up, but I'm pretty sure those hours spent harrassing passers-by could be far more effectively spent doing something like picking up trash. Or better yet, round up all your fellow petitioners, pack a few suitcases full of matching t-shirts, hop on a boat to the North Pole, and go live with the polar bears. Permanently.

"Nice Day" Peer Pressure

I can't even count how many times this has happened to me...I'm talking to someone on the phone or online or what not, and they ask what I'm doing, and I say "I'm watching tv" or "I'm resting" or I'm engaged in some other indoor activity. They then get all indignant and say: "HOW can you be inside? It's SUCH a nice day outside!!!"

This annoys the crap out of me for several reasons. First of all, I live in California. 90% of the time it is SUCH a nice day outside. It is usually sunny and clear and mild up here in the Bay Area. So by the logic of "it's a nice day so you should not be inside," I should spend 90% of my time outside? People...if I miss one nice day by staying inside, then I'm pretty sure there will be another nice day to enjoy in the NEAR future.

Secondly, why do I have to be outside to enjoy the nice day? I can see the sunshine and blue sky out my very large windows whilst sitting on the couch. I don't need to actually go out my door to enjoy that it is nice outside. I love the sunlight coming through my giant windows. Sometimes it reflects off the tv. It's very lovely.

Third, what is SO bad about being inside? I work pretty damn hard. I deserve some down time. I get to watch an episode of The Wire during a nice day if I want. I can take a nap during peak sunshine times if it pleases me. It's really no one's business. I'll go outside and bask in the sunshine when I choose to...not out of guilt that I am somehow harming myself, others, and the world at large by failing to enjoy the gifts Mother Nature has bestowed upon me.

And besides...sunshine creates sun damage which leads to skin cancer and wrinkles. And there are bugs outside that bite. And I can't take a nap outside without risking some sort of assault. And it can get too hot, and then you're all sweaty. Don't get me wrong...I love the outdoors. I love hiking, I love going running, I love love love the beach...but I love the outdoors on MY terms. And why that is anyone's business is beyond me.

So in the future, you enjoy nice weather your way, and leave me the $@&* alone to enjoy it my way. And when you ask me HOW I could possibly stay inside on SUCH a nice day...I'll say "like this" and then I'll lie down and go ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... (though I might kick you in the shins first).

Poor Seat Etiquette

I am currently studying for the bar. There are about 300 people in the auditorium. Like most people, I arrived 10-15 minutes early for the first few weeks to secure the seat of my choosing. I am fully aware that absent a seating chart, no one may stake a claim to a seat indefinitely. However, MOST people in the room sit in approximately the same place every day. Due to the highly stressful nature of the bar, schedule and routine are one of the few things you can control, and thus one of the few sources of comfort during this hellish time.

I sit on the end because I am a person who drinks a lot of coffee and sometimes needs to use the restroom in the middle of class. I also have mild claustrophobia and like the security of the end seat. End seats are popular, so I make sure to get to class early enough to secure this coveted spot. I have sit in the exact same seat for about 6 weeks. Our bar lectures are about 3.5 hours, and there are two 10-minute breaks.

Today when I came back to my seat after the first break, someone was sitting in it. I was of course taken aback. Not only have I sat there for the entire summer, but I had been sitting there all morning. I said, "excuse me, I was sitting there." This person just looked at me and said, "I didn't know that." Despite the fact that my things were there. She did NOT move. I had to gather all of my things and move.

So I ask...WHO steals someone's seat? Who changes a seat in the middle of lecture? Who doesn't move once she finds out that someone was already sitting there? A big, big jerk, that's who. A very rude, inconsiderate, selfish person. I'm not saying I deserve any one seat any more than another person...but I got there first. And sat there for a substantial portion of the day. What more need I do? NOT take a break? Place a reserved sign on it? Write my name on it? Hire a seat filler?

The bar is stressful enough. You don't need childish seat-stealing making it worse. Common courtesy...that's all I'm saying...

Facebook Abuse

I fully admit that I am a lover of Facebook. I am on there at least once a day. Usually I'm playing Word Twist or Scramble. Facebook is addictive. It's hard to avoid getting sucked in and devoting several hours of your life to the Facebook gods. However, there is such a thing as excessively unreasonable Facebook use.

There are tell-tale signs if you are a Facebook abuser. Sign #1: You change your status message every time you do something. Joe is watching a movie. Joe is blowing his nose. Joe just went to the bathroom. Joe is about to eat dinner. Joe just ate dinner. I mean, really? You really take the time multiple times throughout the day to update your FACEBOOK STATUS MESSAGE?? REALLY?

Sign #2: You post new pictures of yourself multiple times a day, and/or you comment on your own photos. Facebook is a veritable Disneyland for narcissists. They post hundreds of pictures of themselves where they think they look just devastatingly amazing, and think there is actually another human being out there who takes the time to look at all of their pictures. They must think they are so unbelievably attractive that they are doing us all a service by sharing their beauty with the Facebook community. Um...yeah...we don't think you're as attractive as you think you are...and we think you're pretty vain.

Sign #3: You send out application requests on a daily basis to everyone you are friends with, regardless of whether you actually have regular contact with these people or if you actually know them. Stop with the indiscriminate application sending! You lose all credibility. You're the Facebook user who cried wolf. Someday you'll send something ridiculously important and everyone will ignore it. Happy now?

My policy is to delete anyone who does any of the above things. Because it is just really irritating. If you do one or more of the above things, then it's time to take a step back and assess your priorities. Would you rather live in a virtual world or the real world? And if the answer isn't clear to you...then I guess there's nothing I can do but un-Facebook-friend you. So long, obnoxious Facebook abuser...so long...

Saving Parking Spaces

Yesterday on a very busy road, a woman got out of a car to stand in a coveted open parking space. She stood in it until the car she was riding in was able to turn around, come back, and snag the spot. I find this behavior to be UNACCEPTABLE under MOST circumstances.

You can't save a parking spot by standing in it or by putting something in it, like a cone or a chair. MAYBE, and only maybe, this might be okay if you're moving and need to be right out front, or some other emergency. But otherwise, street parking is first come, first serve, especially in hard-to-park areas. And by that I mean first CAR that comes, not first person to stand in the spot. A car ready to park deserves a spot more than a car that has not yet arrived. It's that simple.

I was at IKEA once and wanted to pull into one of the 5-minute loading spaces. There was one open. My roommate was standing on the curb with huge boxes. Some stupid woman was standing in the spot saving it for her husband. I tried to pull in and the woman yelled at me. I was like, my friend is RIGHT there, with boxes. Your husband is still pulling out of the freaking garage. TOO BAD. And what the hell? They are 5-minute spaces! At MOST she would have had to wait 5-minutes for a new space. By the time we were done arguing and she still wouldn't move, I could have pulled in, loaded our stuff, and left before her dumb husband ever showed up. Why on earth did this woman feel entitled to a spot for her future needs over someone who is immediately there and ready? I have no idea. That woman is many, many bad things that require expletives.

So if you see an open space and you can't quite get to it, sorry...it's crappy luck, but it's the way it goes. Barring exceptional circumstances, you have to move on and accept that the first car there gets the spot. You don't deserve it more just because you SEE it first (and how do you even know you saw it first??). And if you're the person physically standing there to save the space...don't expect any sympathy if someone tries to run you over. You assume that risk when you do such a jerkface thing.