Renegade Cyclists

Last night I got out of work and was walking to my car. I looked left and right and stepped into the crosswalk. A cyclist came whizzing by and passed behind me, fully clad in his uniform of bright yellow spandex and expensive polarized lenses. He yells at me: JESUS CHRIST YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK WHERE YOU WERE GOING!!!!

1) Yes I did. I looked left and right and saw no cars (or bikes for that matter). I proceeded. I didn't realize that once IN the crosswalk, I was supposed to remain hyper-vigilant in case of random attacks from assholes on bikes.

2) BIKERS HAVE TO FOLLOW THE VEHICLE CODE. That means cyclists have to yield to pedestrians, and stop at stop signs, and stay off the sidewalk, and look where the hell they're going. And yet this rarely happens. I can't even count the number of times I have almost been run down by some guy on a bike who thinks that just b/c he is sparing the air by choosing a bike over a car that he gets to be above the law and do whatever the hell he wants and act like a first class douche. I HATE that mentality...oh, I'm doing the environment a favor, so everyone get the hell out of my way! That's like saying, "I recycle, so it's okay if I assault a few elderly people." One good act does not give you free license to put other people in danger.

I love how this guy was recklessly zooming down a busy downtown street and yet I am the one who gets yelled at. How come the police are all over you if you're in a parking space for 30 seconds past your meter, and yet they are nowhere to be found when some jackass in spandex is blatantly giving the finger to the rules of the road? In any event, I hope that guy hits a pothole and has a "come to Jesus" moment with his bike frame.

The "Why Aren't You Married" Stigma (a.k.a. You Can Like It Even If You Didn't Put a Ring On It)

Recently I have been asked the following extremely annoying question by several people, on several occasions: You and your boyfriend live together, why aren't you engaged? Besides being a sensitive and highly personal question, there is NO good answer. There is nothing you can say that doesn't come off as defensive or that actually satisfies the asker. I know, because I have tried to find the perfect response, but to no avail. They have a rebuttal to any reasonably argument I try to make as to why my unmarried cohabitation is AOK. No matter what I say, I WILL be judged.

I've tried the classic response, "we're happy with the way things are," but no one ever believes that. They think I'm secretly dying for a big rock, and won't feel complete until my poor ring finger is no longer tragically naked. I've tried, "we know we want to be together, so we aren't in a rush," but then they ask why we don't just get married if we know we want to be together. I've tried being practical: "Mike is in law school, Mike is studying for the bar, we are both just getting started in our careers, I don't want to lose eligibility for my loan repayment program, etc" but apparently people think matrimony supersedes all financial, logistical, or other reasonable and practical life considerations. I'm SURE the CA Bar Examiners would give Mike some extra time on the test if they knew he was getting MARRIED! I've even tried, "we're broke and can't afford a wedding." I thought that would shut people up, but that response also never satisfies. They tell me my parents will pay for it. I tell them this is unlikely. So they suggest taking out a loan. I don't think that the solution to being broke is to add to your debt. They then try suggesting that we just have a "small, inexpensive wedding." Ugh. After Prop 8 passed, we felt very strongly about not getting married until Prop 8 is overturned, and tried to explain this to people. But even though that logic is good enough for Brangelina, it ain't good enough for the general population. In sum...I can't win.

No matter what I say, I end up feeling like I have just been put through some weird social test which I have failed miserably. They think I'm some poor girl whose man won't commit, or my relationship isn't as good as I think it is, or I should be planning some fake pregnancy to force the issue. (I've also started getting the whole "you're 30, you don't have all the time in the world to have babies, you'd better get on that" line of comments, but that is a whole other infuriating and rude topic.)

My response to all of this? BLLLLLLLLLLEEEECK. Leave me alone! I won't even bother saying all those things about how it is no one's business, or how I know what is best for myself, or how every couple is different. I will only say this: That is a RUDE ass question, and no one should ask it, especially of someone they don't know that well. And Beyonce, darling...I love your work, but you're not helping.

P.S. If anyone can come up with an excellent response to the question of "why aren't you married?" that both shuts someone up and points out to them that they are being rude, or that is just really funny, PLEASE pass it along! I'd love to hear your suggestions...