Line Cutters...They DO Exist Past Elementary School!

Today I walked into a bakery, and a woman walked in after me. The lady behind the counter then says, "I can help whoever was next." The woman, who most definitely walked in AFTER me, said, "yes, I would like a loaf of wheat bread, please." Um...excuse me, maam? You were most definitely NOT next. But sure enough, she walked out with her bread before I ever got helped.

A similar thing happened to me a few weeks ago at Office Depot. I was in a pretty big rush, and I was waiting in line for the sole cashier to finish with a customer. The customer left, and a woman and her three children walked right in front of me and put their stuff on the counter. The cashier looks at me and says, "Weren't you next?" But the woman pushed her stuff toward him, completely disregarding me. I didn't feel like putting up a fight.

What is wrong with these people? I mean, this is something you learn in Kindergarten. First come, first served. No cutting in line, no saving spots. You don't completely ignore the person who got there first. It's not the way things work in a civilized society.

Maybe I'm invisible. I never thought of that. Maybe I have a magical power that enables me to go sight unseen to my fellow patrons. If I knew how to harness that power, I could avoid a lot of unpleasant encounters with people I don't feel like talking to. Or maybe these line cutters are just WAAAAAAAAY more important than me. They can tell just by looking at me. They see me and think, my needs are far more pressing than this young woman's, even though she got here first. Screw her...I'm getting my bread before her!

I'm not sure I believe in karma, but in times like this I hope it exists. Then these line cutters might find themselves in a rush and unable to get service. They'll get stuck in that line behind the really slow grocery store cashier and the customer who hasn't updated to debit cards and therefore is painstakingly filling out a personal check. Or they'll be behind that customer who picked the one item without a price tag, and the cashier has to call in a price check. But alas, these people will just get mad for having to wait, and feel as though an injustice has been done to THEM...they won't know it's their punishment for being crappy and cutting me in line. Sigh.

I wish I was as important as these people, so I could walk in front of other people and get service first. Maybe someday. A girl can dream...

People Who Have Already Seen It

My roommate and I have this ongoing tv-watching struggle. If she's already seen an episode of something, she likes to guide my viewing of it. "Watch this part," or "this scene is important," or "you're not watching and you're going to miss something big!" It bothers me for multiple reasons. First of all, I don't like being told what to do. My immediate reaction is to rebel against any strict directives and do the exact opposite. You're telling me to watch, then I'm specifically NOT going to watch. I don't respond well to orders. So take that!

Second, when people do that, it ruins the natural flow of the show. If something big is going to happen, I want it to be a surprise. I don't want to brace myself for it. It ruins the suspense or the unexpected nature of the scene And sometimes I don't think it was a particularly important part, and then I'm let down. It's just all around badness.

Also, if I already AM watching, then why tell me to "watch this part?" Is there a way for me to watch better? Should I put on my glasses, or sit up straighter, or hold my breath, or sit on the edge of the couch? And if I'm not watching "closely enough," isn't that my prerogative? Maybe I'll miss something, maybe I won't. How I choose to watch a show is really no one else's business.

She claims that I deserve it, because I guess once I accidentally ruined a movie for her by telling her I didn't like this one character, so the whole time she knew the guy was going to turn out to be a jerk. I have apologized, but she is apparently never going to forgive me.

So I guess due to my slip-up, I will forever have to endure the "you aren't paying attention" and this is an important part." Well, at least until January, when I move out. I will miss my roommate dearly, but I will not miss watching television with her. Or her love of cooking stinky fish, but that is another blog post. :)

Red Hot Hand Raisers

Remember when you were in elementary school, and there was that kid (or kids) whose hand would shoot up in the air, and he would wave wildly, and make noises like "ooh, ooh, me me me!!!" Do you also remember how you wanted to sock that kid in the face? Well, my several hours at a legal conference today prove that some things, or people, never change.

I realize that this is very close to my earlier post, Any Questions? However, that post focused on people who ask a question with 5 minutes left in class or in a meeting. This post is about those few people who either think their questions are way more important than anyone else's, or simply have a Narcissus-like obsession with the sound of their own voice.

Today during presentations from the various speakers, the same 3 people would raise their hands. You knew who the Red Hots were in the first 15 minutes, because not only did they ask multiple questions, but the did so in the MIDDLE of the speaker's presentation. That leads to the first obnoxious tactic of Red Hots: asking questions prematurely, before giving the speakers a chance to do their thing, prompting the response, "I'm going to get to that in just a moment." Here's a novel idea...how about holding off on your question until the END? Then if it isn't covered, ask away. Saves us all time. I know it's a radical concept, but think it over.

Then there is obnoxious tactic #2: asking a question that is applicable to the asker only. It is always an ultra-specific question, which takes a long time to ask and even longer to answer. Meanwhile, the rest of us get nothing out of it, the speaker is delayed in their presentation, and the Red Hot unfairly benefits at our expense. "Um, I have this creally unique case about this particular party who did this very random thing, and I am writing this groundebreaking argument, and I was wondering what the court would think..." Buddy...wait until after and speak to this person alone, or give them a phone call, or send them an email. But don't waste the whole room's time with your own personal query. This is an informative conference, not a strategy session.

Obnoxious tactic #3 is the non-question masquerading as a question. The person takes a statement and asks it in a question-like tone. Or maybe they add some innocuous question to the end to validate their raising their hand. "I always do such and such when I write legal arguments. Do courts like that?" Red Hot clearly just wanted kudos from the speaker for his exemplary writing practices, or for the rest of the room to know just how amazing his legal writing is. What's amazing is that there was enough space in the conference room for the speaker, the participants, and that guy's ego.

So here's a good test: if you're at a large conference where few people know each other, and by the end of it the speaker knows your name, then you're a Red Hot. And the strange feeling you're experiencing, that sensation of prickly hot electricity on the back of your head, is likely the angry stares the rest of the participants are shooting at you as they wish you would shut up. Not only do you waste time and irritate the rest of us, but you prevent people with real, useful questions from being heard. You're like a living, breathing, irritating Hoover vacuum...you aren't efficient, and you suck.

False Accusations

I work in a small town in Marin. To my delight, there is a residential street a few blocks from the office with all day parking. I can always get a spot and don't need to worry about paying a meter or moving my car every few hours. It is fabulous...usually.

One day I arrived at my car after work and saw a business card on the windshield. It was from the local police. There was a message requesting me to call. I called, but could not reach the officer and had to leave a message. I started freaking out. I had NO idea what it could have been. My coworker and I looked all around my car for scratches or dents, thinking someone might have hit my car. Nope. Nothing. The next day, the police officer called me back and said some guy claimed I hit his car and dented it. He filed a hit and run against me.

I of course became furious, because I did NOT hit his car. I think I would distinctly remember doing so, especially if I hit it hard enough to dent it (which, for the record, would have been nearly impossible for me to do in such a small parallel parking space, even if I tried.). Also, there was not a single mark on MY car. And since I did not hit his car, there could not have been any witnesses to this event. So let's get this straight...without anyone seeing a thing, I somehow found a way to gather enough speed while parallel parking in a small space to hit his car hard enough to leave a dent, and I did so with such skill that I did not leave a mark on my own car, and then I just left my car at the scene. Yeah...that makes sense...

I am not without sympathy...this guy is pissed because someone hit his car. I get it, it sucks. But don't just blame the person closest in proximity with no other evidence! And charging me with hit and run? I neither hit his car, nor did I "run." My car was still there! The ONLY thing I was guilty of was having the bad fortune of being parked behind a person at the precise moment he discovered a dent on his car. Buddy, it's a public street...anyone could have hit your car. If you didn't see it happen, and there is no mark on my car, and the spot is tight anyway, then you got nothin'. Suck it up and leave an innocent person alone!

I hate being blamed for wrongdoing I did not commit. It truly offends my sense of justice. Especially because I am an extremely honest person. Once I DID bump into someone's car while I was parking. I was on a hill, and my car rolled into the car in front of me. I don't even think I left a mark, and the car was so beat up I wouldn't know even if I had (and that's what bumpers are for, right?)...but out of a sense of duty, I left a note telling them what happened and left my number. So if I left a note THEN, surely I would have left a note if I actually dented someone's car.

In fact, I'm so honest that tonight when the clerk at Safeway gave me $30, and I was only owed $20, I told him immediately. When I told him, he tried to claim he owed me $30. Did I take the extra $10 and walk? NO. Because I am an honest person. I don't hit people's cars, and I don't take money that does not belong to me. I also don't blame people for things without having some degree of certainty that they are guilty, and then file police reports on them accusing them of committing a "hit and run," just because I am angry that my car got dented.

Sure, it's no fun when an injustice is committed against you. But it doesn't make it any better to rashly point fingers at innocent people. Especially when that innocent person is a lawyer. And I've said it before, but I'll say it again...you don't want to mess with an angry lawyer. Grrrr...