Update on Post #3: A trip down I-5 (and back)

After driving to LA from Berkeley (and back again) on the monotonous and cow-infested I-5 this weekend, I felt the need to revisit post #3 (slow drivers in the passing lane).

In case you were unsure, I want to assure you that slow drivers are still traveling in the passing lane. My traveling companion and I spent a large portion of the drive playing high-speed frogger, weaving in and out of large trucks, RVs, and other annoying slow drivers. Most annoying are RVs and large trucks that decide to pass other RVs and large trucks. They are only going 5 mph (at best) faster, and thus it takes them forever to pass. Since I-5 is only two lanes, a loooooong line of angry drivers accumulates. We would get past this frustrating impediment and blissfully turn on the cruise control at 85, only to have to hit the brakes a minute later due to another errant RV or large truck. If a speed limit is 70, you have NO business being in the left lane going 65!!!

And it's not just large trucks and RVs...regular old cars are still egregious violators. These people like to drive exactly the same speed as a large truck, making it impossible for anyone to get around them. These people need to be slapped. Speed up for a minute and get in front of the truck, or slow down and get behind it. Just don't drive RIGHT NEXT TO IT!!! And I can't emphasize this enough...if multiple cars are passing you on the right, then what are you doing in the left lane??? GET OVER! Oh...and most of these people aren't even going the SPEED LIMIT. That's right...not only are they driving slower than the flow of traffic, they are actually driving UNDER the speed limit permitted by LAW.

Now that we have a portable GPS (I love you, Garmin), I was able to actually track the time wasted due to obnoxious and inconsiderate slow drivers in the passing lane. When we were free to go 85, we would shave several minutes off of our ETA. When those jerks were clogging up the flow of traffic, we would lose several minutes from our ETA. There it is people: tangible evidence of the precious time these selfish people steal from others.

Most people on I-5 have been driving for hours. They want to be on I-5 for the least amount of time possible. So I BEG you...pick up the speed or stay in the right lane. But please...don't prolong the time we have to spend smelling cow and getting showered with industrial-size bug splats.

Cell Phone Voice Messaging Systems

Just about all of us have recorded a personalized message for our cell phone. It says something along the lines of the following: "Hi, this is so-and-so, leave a message, blah blah blah." However, the message rarely ends there. Some obnoxious electronic voice comes on and adds like, 30 seconds to the message, so you're stuck there waiting forever just to leave a 3-second message.

The automated voice comes in a few variations. One of them is: "To leave a voice message, please wait for the beep." Oh, REALLY??? THAT'S how I leave a message? I wait for the beep, and then I talk? Oh, good thing that voice explained it. I mean, come ON. Who doesn't know how to leave a message in 2008?

Another variation is: "For more options, press the star key." More options? I'm calling someone on their freaking cell phone. I want to either talk to them, or leave a message. What else could I possibly do using a voice messaging service? Get local movie times? Check the balance of my checking account? Chat live with local singles? Has anyone ever actually pressed the key for more options?

My least favorite is: "To page this person, press 1." Does anyone PAGE anyone anymore? I mean, all cell phones have caller id, or you can leave a message saying "Call me." Or if you really wanted to just send them your number, you would send them a text message. It's all just absolute ridiculousness.

Some voice messaging systems allow you to press 1 or # to skip right to the beep. Those systems are GLORIOUS. But some systems do nothing when you press those keys. They just ignore you and go on with their long-winded, useless spiel. The WORST are the ones who stop and say "I'm sorry, you have pressed an invalid key," and then go on to give the spiel anew. So much time wasted...so, so much time...

I wish there was a way to go into your phone's settings and cut out the automated spiel after your own personalized voice message. If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know. Otherwise, those stupid messages take forever, turn a simple yet necessary task into a frustrating endeavor, and suck away your precious cell phone minutes. And yet we are all slaves to the voice messaging systems. Crafty little scheme, cell phone companies...but shame on you all. Shame on you all but good.

Failure to Indicate Intent to Turn

You're driving along happily, following the flow of traffic, and then all of a sudden some jerk in front of you slows down to turn left. Without warning you have to slam on the brakes and wait for the jerk to turn. Sometimes, the jerk can't turn because of oncoming traffic, and you have to sit there and wait for the jerk to turn so you can go on your way. The big question is: why didn't the jerk just put his damn blinker on???

If the jerk HAD put his blinker on, then I would have slowed down gradually so I didn't have to stop short, and I most definitely would have had time to get into the other lane and pass the jerk. But the jerk took away my opportunity to do so. Because he is a jerk. (And you know who else are jerks? ALL the people behind you who move to the other lane to get around the first jerk, but NO ONE slows down to let you get over. They're like: ha ha, sucker! I'm free! You can sit there and rot!!!" Such poor form.)

There are amazing reasons that cars have blinkers. For one, we as a human race have not yet figured out how to read each other's minds. We can't always guess what our fellow drivers are thinking or anticipate what moves they are going to make. For safety and courtesy, the blinker tells me, "that large, heavy piece of metal going 60 mph is about to get right in front of me," or "this guy is going to take a left on a busy road, and thus if I am behind him, I will be stuck there for a long time." These are clearly important pieces of information to have. And it's not like putting on your blinker is difficult...you push the damn thing up or down! That's it! It's SO easy! And yet MILLIONS of people just decide they can't be bothered. They are apparently too cool for blinkers.

Particularly egregious are people who very suddenly cut you off with no blinker. If you MUST cut someone off, the LEAST you can do is give them SOME indication of your intent to do so. Unless you're actually looking to get rear-ended. I mean, maybe some drivers are out there hoping to get hit? And if you're one of those people who cuts people off, fails to use the blinker, and then goes SLOWER than the car you cut off...well, don't expect any sympathy when you're the victim of road-rage-induced violence.

So I beg you, USE the blinker. Your hands are already on the wheel (presumably), so it's RIGHT there! It takes about one second of your time and such minimal energy. And it saves everyone else on the road from almost rear-ending you and/or plotting your painful demise.

And one last thing while I'm at it...what's up with people crossing multiple lanes seconds before their exit? Plan ahead, people! Cars are not toys, driving is not a game. How a majority of people passed their driving tests is beyond me...

Failure to Pay Debts

Yesterday, I had this big "OH @#$&" moment where I realized I owed Dylan $8 from two months ago. It truly was not intentional; I would never do such a thing on purpose! But it sadly makes me a flagrant violator of my own huge pet peeve: People who never pay you back!

There are varying degrees to this. If I lend someone an amount that is $1 or less, then I don't necessarily expect or need to get it back. If I lend money to a good friend who is likely to buy me a coffee or a beer at some point, or lend me money at another time, then I don't need to be paid back. HOWEVER...if I lend someone $5 or $10, or I lend someone $1 on a regular basis, I want and NEED my money back! That stuff adds up, and it's not like I'm made of money.

Quite the opposite, in fact. I have no current job, no job for after graduation, and am in six-figure debt. Thus, $5 is actually kind of a big deal to me, and as much as I am a generous soul who would love to finance the needs and desires of others, I'm just not in a position to do so.

The worst is when someone who has more money than you does this. Someone who has some type of income, far less debt than you, and yet they borrow $10 and never pay you back. And I'm not shy, I'll remind people politely, multiple times. And these people still ignore you and fail to make you whole! What are they thinking? Why is my financial well-being less important than theirs? It feels like you are getting punished for trying to do them a favor.

Another REALLY bad situation is the one that Dylan is currently in. She fronted the money for a group gift, and we all shared credit for it. So I got credit for a gift, and I haven't contributed my share. And poor Dylan has been out the money! I can't believe I've done this to her, since I've been in the exact same situation (recently, actually, and in fact still have not been reimbursed), and it feels really terrible. Dylan did all the work, and now she gets stuck footing the bill while the rest of us share credit?? No way! Unacceptable.

I will continue to lend people money when they are in need. And I will continue to front money for things I feel are important. And unfortunately, some people out there will continue to take advantage of that, and won't pay me back, and will get credit for my financial contribution or turn what was intended to be a loan into an undeserved monetary gift. And it will continue to suck...but I don't want to stop being a generous person.

So if you're reading this and you suddenly remember that you owe someone money, then pay them back immediately! And if you are purposely ignoring an outstanding debt that you ARE aware of, then shame on you, and stop being selfish and pay up. I know I'm paying Dylan back TODAY...plus interest!!

Carl's Jr. Commercials

I hate Carl's Jr. commercials. I hate them so much that I actually MUTE my television when they come on. That is how much I hate them.

Sometimes I fantasize about having a job where my sole purpose is to yea or nay every single potential TV commercial before it gets put on the air. In this fantasy, I instantly ban all Carl's Jr. commercials from ever being televised ever again.

No, I'm not talking about the Hugh Hefner commercial, or the Paris Hilton washing the car commercial, or that GOD-AWFUL rap about flat buns. I know those were controversial, but they have absolutely nothing to do with my hatred of Carl's Jr. commercials.

Here is the root of my hatred of Carl's Jr. commercials: THE SOUND OF PEOPLE EATING.

Almost every Carl's Jr. commercial amplifies the sound of someone biting into a hamburger and then chewing on it. You can hear their teeth pierce the bun, then the lettuce, then the onions, then the patty, then the other side of the bun, and then hear the food rolling around in their mouth for several bites. They also like to turn up the volume on people eating fries and slurping soda. GROSS. I'm shuddering at the thought of it.

It's like nails on a chalkboard. It does NOT make me hungry. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me never want to eat at Carl's Jr. ever (and actually, I never have).

WHO is the ad genius who thinks that listening to someone loudly chomping on food is going to sell burgers??? It is rude, it is disgusting, and it is why I hate Carl's Jr. commercials.

P.S. If you want to be disgusted, here is a prime example of egregious loud eating. Watch/listen to it at your OWN RISK: http://youtube.com/watch?v=TlMfo20RPgk&feature=related

Public Transit Blockers

In just about every city in every state, public transit is unreliable. Buses and subways are notorious for failing to follow their schedules, and you must rely on them at your own peril. Just about every morning I go through a mental battle...do I wait for the bus or do I walk to school? If I wait, the bus undoubtedly will not come, and then I'll be late for class. If I start walking, the bus will end up passing me before I get to the next stop, and I'll be bitter and angry for the entire one-mile walk, and then I'm all cranky and sweaty when I get to class. Whichever I choose, it's inevitably the wrong choice.

On those rare occasions when you look down the street and see the bus making its way toward you, however, it's the best feeling in the world. It's like the heavens open up and angels start singing. Which is why it is kind of heartbreaking when the bus comes...and it's full. It's like the worst tease ever. But you know what's even WORSE than that??? When there is actually plenty of room, but there are a bunch of jerks huddling near the front, when if they would just move to the back of the bus, you could fit substantially more people in there.

God bless the bus drivers, because they try to yell "move to the back, please." But no one ever listens to them. Because people are selfish. And they would rather stand where they please then let other people get on. If I was a bus driver, I think I would lose my faith in humanity, seeing all those selfish people refusing to make room for others every day like that.

It's the same with the subway. At the end of a long work day, you're tired and starving, and maybe the next train doesn't come for 10 minutes. When it finally arrives and the doors open, there's not enough room for you to squeeze in, even if you stand on your toes and hold your breath. You look longingly at the commuters who get to go home and have dinner. But as the train pulls away, you notice there is all this room in the aisles, but those bastards didn't spread out! Or if you are lucky enough to make it on the train, then you get crammed in the back (because you're courteous enough to move into an open space to make room for someone else) and you try to get off at your stop, and no one will move to let you get out. What is with these people???!! How do they sleep at night???!!

Public transit is supposed to be socially responsible. It keeps cars off the roads and reduces carbon emissions. For many without cars, it is the only way to get to school or work or important appointments. When you are selfish and refuse to make room for others, you deprive others of the ability to conduct their daily affairs. So the next time you see a whole bunch of space in the back of the bus, ask yourself if it's worth making someone late for work. Maybe their tardiness will get them fired, and then on the walk back home they break their ankle, but they can't pay for the medical bills because they lost their insurance, and maybe they have 10 kids at home to feed, and now they'll go hungry...all because you like to stand in the front. Nice job. Jerk.

Any Questions?

Class ends at 5. It is 4:59. The professor asks, "Any questions?" You're shutting down your laptop when some jackass raises their hand, "I have a question!"

Usually there is nothing wrong with questions. Sometimes questions are necessary, and sometimes they are useful for all. What I object to is people who ask questions when class is OVER. First of all, these last minute questions are rarely useful to everyone. And since there is rarely a question that can be answered in just a minute, we all end up getting stuck for 3-5 minutes (at least) after class has ended, and usually we didn't care about the question or the answer. If you have a question you really want to ask, then stay after class! Second, if it really IS a useful question, then there isn't going to be time to get to it with one minute left, anyway...so hold onto it until tomorrow!

This applies equally to meetings or presentations you are forced to attend. The presenter is wrapping up, and the only thing that stands between you and freedom is the obligatory five seconds of wait time after your boss asks, "Any questions?" You're about ready to bolt out the door when someone asks a non-pressing question, and the next thing you know you're stuck for another 20 minutes. Often you have to go to the bathroom, or you're starving, or you're running late for something else. But now you're stuck, because someone felt that their question was SOOOOO important it warranted taking up everyone else's time. The worst is when they wait until that fifth second before speaking up...so you think you're free, but it was a false sense of freedom. And when you've had a taste of getting out early, the pain of staying stings all the more...

The absolute WORST of the worst is when someone does not have a question, but a comment. Do they really think their comment is worth keeping everyone late?? Or is their comment so important that it must ruin our precious opportunity to get out early?? I suppose once in a long while, the question or comment is actually valuable. But really...oh-so-rarely is that the case!!

So the next time a professor (or boss, or presenter) asks, "Any questions?" and you have a question or a comment, take a second to think before you raise your hand or open your mouth. Is what you have to say worth keeping EVERYONE there to hear it? Is it valuable to all, or just to you? And if it won't benefit everyone, then don't raise your hand! Let the five obligatory seconds pass, and let us all leave on time. Because if you are brazen enough to ask the question, we won't even be listening to the answer...we'll be fantasizing about your untimely demise...

Leg Shakers

We all have our nervous habits or twitches or what have you. I tend to touch my hair obsessively, others bite their nails, some crack knuckles. Most of these habits are irritating to others. My hair touching drives my sisters crazy, and in fact just recently my 5-year-old niece asked, "Auntie, why are you always touching your hair?"

The truth is, many of us just can't help it. But some of these habits are far less tolerable than others. For example, while I don't particularly enjoy the sound of knuckles cracking, or teeth biting through nails, the worst of the worst is leg shaking. Though I will say that if someone is constantly cracking their knuckles over and over and over again, that can be pretty irritating. But to me, leg shaking is just intolerable.

The reason for this is that leg shakers shake their legs while they are seated. They are often seated near a desk or a table. As a result, the entire desk or table (and often even the floor) shakes with them. My reaction is usually to wonder if I'm going crazy, then to wonder if there is a mild earthquake occurring, and then to identify the source as a leg shaker. Now, leg shaking is one of those things where I actually will suck it up and ask the person to please stop shaking. But you aren't always in a position to do so. Sometimes the leg shaker is several people down from you during a class, or a meeting, or a lecture. Sometimes the leg shaker is a stranger, making it very uncomfortable for you to have to say something. Sometimes you suck up your discomfort and ask them anyway, only to have them to stop for about 30 seconds and recommence. Frustration ensues.

I can be sympathetic. I don't touch my hair consciously, and I doubt leg shakers shake on purpose. But there is a big difference between being irritated by someone's unconscious habit, and actually enduring physical tremors caused by a person. Try writing on a surface that is shaking. Or concentrating on reading. Or paying attention to a professor. Or eating. It's pretty hard to do. Especially when you're dealing with a really violent leg shaker, who can actually induce motion sickness in those unfortunate enough to be within their shaky realm.

I know that we all are under a lot of stress, or are just tense people, or had too many cups of coffee...but there really is no need to shake the entire room just for your own comfort. So please, keep the tremors at bay by going off caffeine, sitting in an isolated area of the room, or taking on some quieter, less distracting neurotic habits. I can teach you all about the dysfunctional bliss of hair touching. Just let me know...

Dining Downers

It's lunchtime. You're starving. You're about to rip into a bag of Doritos when the Dining Downer comes along and says, "Oh...my...God...do you KNOW how bad those are for you?" You're eating your tuna sandwich, and Dining Downer tells you all about the mercury in tuna, or how CNN ran some story about rodents in tuna canning factories. You go for dessert, (Oreos), and Dining Downer exclaims, "HOW can you eat something that has trans fat in it??"

Dining Downer (DD for short) lives to ruin other people's meals. DD loves to criticize the food you eat, most often when you are right about to eat it, or right in the middle of eating it. It is unclear what DD's motivation is. Possibly DD truly does have a concern for your health and thinks he/she can shame you into making healthier lifestyle choices. But mostly I think DD is a morally superior pain in the butt who needs to keep his/her mouth shut.

Favorite phrases of DD (usually uttered in judgmental disgust):

-Do you know how much fat/calories/butter/sugar is in that?
-Do you know what they put in those?
-Are you REALLY going to eat that?

Yes, DD, I know there is a lot of fat and calories and butter and sugar in it. That is why it is delicious. And yes, I am going to eat it, because it is delicious. DD is like someone who says to a smoker, "Do you know those can kill you?" As if the smoker will say, "OH!!! Cigarettes can KILL me?? I had NO idea! I'll stop this instant!" DD's favorite target is hot dogs: "That is so disgusting...do you know what they put in those things???" No, DD, I don't...but whatever it is, it sure is tasty.

Most of us are well-informed adults who know that the food we eat may not be the best possible thing to be putting into our bodies. But we eat fast food, or frozen meals, or vending machine items, or other unhealthy things because they are quick, easy, and/or available. Most of us would rather have organically grown, well-balanced meals in carefully measured out portions with no artificial flavorings or additives for breakfast, lunch, and dinner...but we just don't have the time. We're juggling work and personal relationships and other responsibilities, and sometimes we prefer spending time with a friend over packing our own lunches the night before, or we choose that extra bit of sleep in the morning instead of making time for a nice breakfast at home. And if it makes us happy, DD, then leave us alone! Yeah, maybe we might live longer if we ate better, but as Mike would say, who wants to prolong the diaper years?

So DD, I urge you to get down off your nutritional soapbox and jam a carrot stick in your mouth next time you think about criticizing someone else's meal. You don't make them want to eat healthier, you definitely don't make them like you, and you're really just irritating as hell. You go on eating the way you want, but leave other people alone. Oh, and DD...I heard Nabisco reengineered Oreos so they no longer contain trans fat...why not go a little crazy tonight? You could use it.

"Swiss" Friends

No, I'm not talking about friends actually from Switzerland. I'm talking about those friends who insist on remaining neutral in any and all disputes. They don't want to get involved or be put in the middle. They want to stay friends with everyone. Personally, I can't stand friends like this.

Let me give some illustrative examples. Mary is dating Joe. Jane is Mary's very close friend. In a manipulative move, Jane causes problems between Mary and Joe, breaks them up, and then takes Joe for herself. Mary and Jane are clearly no longer friends. A "Swiss" friend who was initially friends with both Mary and Jane would choose to stay friends with both. As a justification for this, "Swiss" friends often rely on the phrase: "Well, she never did anything to ME..."

Another example: Bob and Dave are co-workers and friends. Bob works hard for a week on a project, and the company execs are highly impressed. Sneaky Dave somehow steals credit for it and gets some type of work-related perk for his good work. Bob confronts Dave and Dave is unapologetic. When Bob asks "Swiss" friend, Lou, how he can still associate with Dave after what he did, Lou says, "Well, he's never done anything to ME..."

I think you get the point. What drives me nuts about this is that these are not situations that warrant neutrality. It's not like Mary was rude to Jane, and Jane was hurtful in return. Or Dave stole some small part of Bob's credit because Dave was afraid for his own job security. In cases like that, okay...I can see not wanting to get involved. What I'm talking about here are cases of major betrayal, cases that indicate substantial personality flaws such as complete disregard for the feelings of others. So "Swiss" friend: these people may not have done anything to you YET...but believe me, they will! Jane could very well ruin a relationship of yours, Dave could easily turn around and steal your hard work without remorse. Just wait...you'll see. And don't expect Mary or Bob to be sympathetic when you're the one on the receiving end.

I want a friend who HAS MY BACK. A friend who can get over their fear of people not liking them enough to know when to support me. A friend who doesn't tolerate it when other people screw over their friends, a friend with a solid sense of right and wrong.

Neutrality is great in a mediator, or in a war zone, or in paint shades for your living room. But when someone decks your friend in a bar, get off that barstool, smash a beer bottle on the counter, and get into the fray!!

White People with Dreads

This one is dedicated to Mike.

I don't know if I have an intelligent or logical justification for this one. It may just be a purely visceral reaction. But I can't stand white people with dreads.

The first dreads can be traced back to the Egyptians. Many other cultures have worn dreadlocks, including certain groups within the Jewish, Muslim, and Hindu religions.

Of course many people associate dreadlocks with the Rastafari movement. In Jamaica in the 1950's dreadlocks were associated with "Young Black Faith." Some think dreadlocks became popular because of Bob Marley and reggae music. Some wear dreads as a statement of ethnic pride, and some wear them as a rejection of Eurocentricism. Well, at least that is what Wikipedia has to say about it. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreadlocks).

At some point, dreads became popular among certain white individuals, mostly associated with environmentalism. These people are often called "hippies." Some white non-"hippies" wear dreads for fashion, I suppose, or because it is "punk" or "different." I really don't know.

Again, I reiterate, I'm not sure why it bothers me. But it really does. It just seems that white people have no business wearing dreadlocks. There don't seem to be any legitimate justifications to me, and thus it appears to be another case of white culture usurping the statements of other cultures. I urge someone to change my mind. But until then, white people dreads drive me NUTS.

Inaccurate Assumptions of Like-Mindedness

Recently I boarded a flight in Oakland that was headed for Dallas. I ended up seated next to a very large man (so large, in fact, that he had to lift the armrest between us to fit in his seat, but that's a whole 'nother entry). He was very polite and tried to engage me in standard airplane small talk. I told him I was a law student at Berkeley, he told me he was from a small town in Kentucky. He then decided it would be safe to assume that I shared his viewpoints on a variety of topics. For instance, he laughed at how vile avocados are, and how those crazy, liberal Californians put them on everything. He chuckled at how ridiculous it was when his college-aged daughter came home the other day saying "something about how gays should have rights." He got a bit more serious when expressing his condemnation of all Bush opposers, especially those audacious movie stars who vocally oppose the war. After all, said Mr. Kentucky, Bush has a PhD from YALE...what do THEY have??? Those are just some of the highlights of Mr. Kentucky's rantings on to poor, captive-audience me, trying unsuccessfully to look sleepy or deeply interested in my magazine.

People who assume I share their viewpoints absolutely drive me nuts. These people are so wrapped up in their own view of the world that they make no efforts to confirm that they are actually speaking to a like-minded person. This failure to confirm a sympathetic audience results in injuries ranging from amused irritation to much deeper offenses.

For example, I love avocados. Am I offended by his characterization of them as vile? Of course not. Does it bother me that he called Californians crazy liberals? No way (After all, I'm from New England.). This is what I would consider amused irritation. When he starts expecting me to laugh at the assertion that gays should have rights? Well, now I'm not amused, I'm very uncomfortable, and I get stuck in that whole internal debate of "do I tell him I disagree or is it not worth it because I'll never see him again and is it not worth the risk of possibly getting into an argument with a stranger but can I honestly sit here with my mouth shut and let him keep talking to me like this and why won't he let me read my magazine already...."

I mean, I live in California...doesn't he realize I might be one of those crazy liberals? (Ooh...maybe he DID realize and was waiting for me to assert myself as such so he could launch into a judgmental condemnation of my crazy liberal ways???).

Putting Mr. Kentucky and his W-lovin' ways aside, there are many people like him. People who say "how much did you hate that piece of crap movie," when you thought it was the best movie you've ever seen. People who say things like, "Jesus loves you," without knowing if you are Jewish or Muslim or agnostic. People who make a horrifying comment to you about how your colleague only got his/her job because he/she was a minority, and then wait for you to share their indignation. I suppose it is sometimes okay, if it's regarding something benign...but when it gets into more serious and sensitive areas...it's just not appropriate.

I know that on some level we all are guilty of some form of egocentrism, ethnocentrism, or "fill in the blank"-centrism...but in 2008, I would think most people would know it is not a safe bet to assume someone shares your cultural views, religious views, political views, etc. And yet, it still happens, all the time. And it drives me nuts.

P.S. I did politely let Mr. Kentucky know that I was liberal and agreed with his daughter about gays having rights. He chuckled and said, "that's okay, darlin'...you're young, you'll grow out of it."

P.P.S. Mr. Kentucky's assertion that George W. Bush has a PhD from Yale does not make it so.

Loud Eating at Inappropriate Times

There are certain foods that you just can't eat without making a lot of noise. These foods include, but are not limited to, the following: apples, carrot sticks, chips, and nuts. Now I am aware that these foods are tasty, and many loud foods are quite healthy. However, there is a time and a place for eating these foods.

It drives me nuts when people eat loud foods when it is otherwise silent, especially when the eating of such foods is disruptive to productivity. I'm not talking about popcorn at the movies, or loud crunching in a busy restaurant. I'm talking about eating carrot sticks when you share a confined work space, eating a granola bar during a timed exam, eating chips during a lecture, eating an apple in the library. In these instances, all I can hear is the damned loud crunching...I can't focus on my work, I can't concentrate on my exam, I can't focus on what the speaker is saying, I can't do any reading. Such egregious chomping in these instances is extremely rude, as you subject everyone else around you to the distracting sound of your loud crunching, at the expense of whatever it is they are trying to do.

I don't understand this practice, as it is easily avoided. In the small, shared workspace example, why not step into another room for a moment, such as the kitchen or cafeteria, so I can do my work in peace? For times when you can't step outside, why not eat before or after I am stuck in a quiet space with you for an extended period of time? Or if you absolutely must eat during this time, why not choose a food that isn't so damn loud, such as a banana, or yogurt, or a muffin?

Like I said, there are times and places for loud eating. Eat your apples and carrots in the cafeteria. Eat them at times when there are other noises present, or when people aren't trying to concentrate. Or at LEAST try to be sensitive and minimize the grating sound of your crunching as much as possible.

So the next time you pull out an apple or a bag of carrots, I URGE you ask yourself if it is appropriate to start chomping away. And if it is quiet and people are likely to be bothered by your eating, PLEASE consider stepping outside, or eating during a break, or bringing a quieter food. I promise you that the people around you will be very, very grateful for your consideration.