Update: I Forgive Starbucks (Mostly)

So today I went to pick up the "drink coupons" we were promised as a result of Mike being accused of stealing. When I said I was there to pick up the coupons, they looked scared. This woman goes, "oh, here, let me help you. Um...we found your $5." Of COURSE you did. Because we paid with a $10!!!! I'm sure the register was over by $5, and they realized that accusatory barista was just an ass. Hooray, Mike's good name is cleared! They apparently thought I was going to be a big jerk about it. But I wasn't. I wasn't looking to be a jerk, I just wanted my money! Although it took forever to get the money and coupons out of the safe, and while I was waiting I ordered a tall coffee, and they charged me for it. Ha! I kind of thought I might have gotten it for free, but whatever.

Anyway, they did get the safe open, and gave me my $5 back AND two drink coupons. Which was nice, so I'm going to end my Starbucks boycott.

However...the guy who kept accusing Mike was pretty aggressive. I think he should have apologized. He wasn't there when I went in, but he could have left a short note in the envelope. Because he was WRONG and falsely accused a customer of LYING and trying to STEAL! I understand that people don't apologize much unless they are forced to, and it isn't the hugest deal. But it would have been nice.

At the end of the day, the biggest issue was that I deserved to get my money back. And that's exactly what happened. So even though I think it was crappy of the barista to be so nasty to Mike and accuse him of lying/stealing, I'll let it go. Which is good, because I really like my grande nonfat lattes, and it is RIGHT near my house...

Gimme My Money, Starbucks!!

A few days, I gave Mike some money to buy something at the store. He came back and gave me a $10 bill as my change. I put it in my cup holder. I remember seeing it every time I got into my car for the next several days. I even remember thinking "hmm...I don't get $10 bills that often." This fact will become relevant shortly.

This morning, I gave Mike the $10 bill from the cup holder to buy us both coffee. He ran into Starbucks and I waited in the car. Mike returned with $1 in change for 2 coffees. Um...where's the rest of my money???

Apparently the guy told Mike he owed $4, Mike gave him the $10, and the guy gave him $1 back. Mike says, "Excuse me, I gave you a $10." The guy says, "Nope, you gave me a $5. I'm sure of it." Mike understandably gets mad. He says, "No, I'm 100% positive I gave you a $10." The guy tells him he is 100% positive it was a $5. Mike asks for a manager. The guy says we'd have to contact SEATTLE to look at the tape recording and see who was telling the truth, and that would take at least 30 minutes. Mike and I were meeting some friends, so he just left.

He gets in the car and I'm all "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO! We are calling those shady bastards this INSTANT!" So we called, and the woman who answered said the same thing about having to call Seattle to review the tapes. And of course no one is in the Seattle office today, because it is a holiday. Um...can't they just count the register? If it's even, the barista was right (which he SO was NOT), and if it's over $5, then we are telling the truth (and it of course would have been over $5.). But this isn't an option?

What kind of a racket is this??? Apparently any sketchy barista can lie about how much money you gave them, and then simply say "oh, too bad, we have to have the execs from Seattle sort this out, and it will take a LONG time," so that you just give up and walk away out of frustration, and then they are ostensibly free to pocket your money. I don't think so, Star-take my 5-bucks.

At least the woman on the phone was nice, and she agreed to give us $5 in Starbucks drink coupons. Oh great. So after they try to steal our money, we get coupons to give them more business. Fantastic. Also, all the while the barista who caused this whole problem was in the background yelling "I know it was a $5 bill! He gave me a $5!" So basically we can't ever go in there again anyway, since they will surely spit in our coffee.

I know it's only $5, but no way can they get away with that behavior. Maybe they get a lot of people in there trying to swindle them. And maybe since it was only $5, we should have just let it go. But I'm not so keen on some giant corporation accusing us of lying and taking our money, leaving us with no recourse. Although it is ONLY $5, it is MY $5, and I would like it back.

So anyway, I just thought it was kind of funny that I had my $10 bill in my cup holder for a few days, or else I NEVER would have been so absolutely positive that Mike had paid with a $10. I also thought that companies these days were smart enough to leave your money out in plain view until they give you change, to avoid such potential conflicts. Guess not.

So for the foreseeable future, I'm totally anti-Starbucks. I will probably get over it next time I'm desperate for caffeine and Starbucks is the only thing in sight. But for now, they will be known as Starsucks. Because they do suck. A latte.

Aspiring Musicians

Last night Mike and I were on BART going to his graduation party. (Hooray for Mike! He has a JD!!! Congrats!) To my supreme annoyance (but also mild amusement), two aspiring musicians were sitting behind us.

These two fit every cliche you can imagine. White, 20-something, shabbily dressed, likely high. One of them was a WBWD (white boy with dreads). Mike and I couldn't help but listen to their loud conversation during the 30-minute ride whille we silently judged them. In between all the "dudes" and the "mans" and the "ya knows," the dialogue contained some real gems. Below are a few excerpts from their "deep" conversation:

-Dude, you really need to push your chops.

-I'm trying to make music that's outside the box, man.

-I'm still not down from the clouds, man, ya know?

-I'm trying to push my sonic level.

-We're just like, on a different creative journey.

-There's been this stagnant vibe, dude.

And my personal favorite:
Dude number one: Dude, this is the SUMMER of seeing shows.
WBWD: Wait...didn't we spend all of LAST summer seeing shows?
Dude number one: Well, like, this summer will be even BETTER.

And at one point, WBWD got all serious and says, "I've got to admit it's getting better. It's getting better...all the time." Then they both pondered how deep those lyrics are. Oh...my...GOD.

I swear, all of those statements were all actually said by these two dudes. Mike is my witness. I even took out a piece of paper from my purse and wrote them down, so that their profound wisdom would not be lost in the universe.

BARF...ME. Why are so many aspiring musicians such blatant cliches??? I know I sound like a big jerk (and hell, maybe I am a big jerk), but I have dated three aspiring musicians in my past, and they all fit this stereotype to a TEE. I have yet to meet any aspiring musician who was any different from any other aspiring musician. From my experience, they are pretentious, think they are SO unique, and love to blame the world for "not understanding them." And most often don't have gainful employment. Who has time to work when you're "changing the world with your unique sound," ya know?

Dude, man, whatever you are...take a shower, put down the bong, and get a JOB, like, ya know. The odds are you possess mediocre musical ability, your songs are probably boring at best, and there exists an outside chance in hell that you will "make it." If you must, keep your bass guitar as a nice little hobby, and hit up the occasional open mic night...but how about growing up a bit? There is nothing unique about you, except that you are uniquely NOT contributing to society.

My Gym Nemesis

There is a woman at my gym whom I have decided is my sworn enemy. I hate her. Here is why I hate her:

Every evening, she gets on an elliptical machine and starts GOING AT IT. Like, ridiculously so. She tenses up, puts her head down, and starts pumping her arms and legs like she's on speed or something. I think she might be demon possessed.

So yes, that is irritating, but it is not why I hate her. I hate her because while she is flailing like a madwoman on her machine, she breathes EXCESSIVELY loud. She forces out every exhale with a highly audible sound, which comes out rapid fire due to her strenuous pace. It sounds like this: tshoo, tshoo, tshoo, tshoo, etc. It is SO loud that it fills the room, and is SO ridiculously distracting. I can't focus on anything except for how annoying she is and how much I hate her and want to cause her physical harm. I have to blast my music to drown her out, and even then I can STILL hear her! She is ridiculous. Her and her dumb French braid and tight capri workout pants.

Then she gets off the elliptical and gets on a stationary bike to cool down. You'd think she would stop the loud breathing. But nope. She slows it down, but does not lower the volume. TSHOOOOOO, TSHOOOOOO, TSHOOOOOOO. I thought of asking the woman at the front desk if she could tell madwoman to shut the hell up because she is ruining my workout, but I'm pretty sure the front desk lady would think I was nuts, and would possibly even revoke my membership.

Madwoman also seems to have this magical power of knowing when I've gotten onto a machine, and then picks the one DIRECTLY next to me. When she shows up, I almost want to stop working out and move to a new machine, just to avoid her. A few times I have forgotten my iPod, and when she showed up, I seriously almost left the gym altogether.

So if that wasn't bad enough, she did the crappiest thing today. At our gym you have to write down the time you get on, and you're only supposed to be on there for 30 minutes. But people stay on longer all the time, which I find acceptable as long as there are open machines. Today, obnoxious madwoman went up to the perfectly normal woman on the machine next to me and said, "excuse me, you've been on the machine for 3o minutes." You may be thinking, those are the rules, what is wrong with that? But there were several EMPTY MACHINES. In fact, there was one RIGHT next to her! And the poor woman only had like, 2 minutes left. Who kicks someone off a machine when there are identical machines free and available??? This assface, that's who. So there she is next to me AGAIN, making we want to hurl my full Sigg bottle at her head.

To sum up: assface French-braided madwoman is not only supremely irritating, but she is also a huge jerk. And she is my nemesis. A showdown is looming. I'll keep you posted.

More Things I Hate About Flying

Yeah, yeah, I know...every time I fly I find something to complain about. Well it's because flying is rife with potential for irritating people. Below is a list of the things that drove me NUTS during my most recent east-to-west coast jaunt:

1. The head-bobber: You know when people are asleep, and their head falls to the side, but then their subconscious causes them to snap their head back up, and then they fall back down, and snap back up, etc. Well not only did the girl next to me do this for 5 STRAIGHT HOURS, which was extraordinarily distracting and irritating, but every single damn time she fell toward me, not in the other direction. Also, she had long hair, so it would hit my arm EVERY time. I had to deal with some random stranger's hair hitting my arm every 30 seconds for 5 hours. I seriously almost hit her. Get one of those neck pillows! When we landed, she put her hair in a ponytail. Too little, too late...

2. Snorers: If you know that you snore like a chainsaw, you should be banned from falling asleep on planes. Seriously. Or at least get a Breathe Right strip or something.

3. Bringing your bed pillow from home: Yeah, we know, those airplane pillows are small, uncomfortable, and likely germ ridden. But there really isn't room in your seat for you and your full-size bed pillow. It forces you to encroach upon your neighbor's space. Either suck it up and go pillowless, or again, buy a c-shaped neck pillow.

4. Rude flight attendants: I'm not sure if they tell you this, but one of your essential job functions as a flight attendant is to ATTEND TO PASSENGERS. So whenever I get a flight attendant who rolls his or her eyes and is rude to anyone who dares ask him or her for anything, I must wonder why he or she chose this profession. On one of my flights, a passenger asked a simple question about her connecting flight, and the flight attendant snapped at her and said, "My only job is to get people drinks." I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that is not your ONLY job as flight attendant. On another flight there was a lot of turbulence, and the Fasten Seatbelt sign was illuminated almost the entire 6-hour flight. Obviously during a 6-hour period, people inevitably need to use the bathroom! So obviously they had to get up while the sign was illuminated. The flight attendants kept yelling at people to sit down, quite rudely. Would they prefer these passengers wet their seats?

5. Rude passengers: People really need to stop yelling at airport employees for things that are beyond their control. One of my flights was delayed due to bad weather. Bad weather = no human being's fault. And yet multiple people were yelling at the ticket agents because they were going to be late and miss their connection. Hmmm...does yelling at the ticket agent stop the bad weather? Does it magically make the airplane take off sooner? Nope. It just makes you a bad person. I also heard people asking if they could call the airline at the connecting airport and ask them to hold their connection. Oh yeah, SURE. Let's hold an entire flight for ONE late passenger. You're that important. Way more important than EVERYONE else on the flight.

Of course it was all worth it to see my dear friend become happily married, and to spend time with my lovably nutty family. But no more flying for me for a few months...