More Things I Hate About Flying

Yeah, yeah, I know...every time I fly I find something to complain about. Well it's because flying is rife with potential for irritating people. Below is a list of the things that drove me NUTS during my most recent east-to-west coast jaunt:

1. The head-bobber: You know when people are asleep, and their head falls to the side, but then their subconscious causes them to snap their head back up, and then they fall back down, and snap back up, etc. Well not only did the girl next to me do this for 5 STRAIGHT HOURS, which was extraordinarily distracting and irritating, but every single damn time she fell toward me, not in the other direction. Also, she had long hair, so it would hit my arm EVERY time. I had to deal with some random stranger's hair hitting my arm every 30 seconds for 5 hours. I seriously almost hit her. Get one of those neck pillows! When we landed, she put her hair in a ponytail. Too little, too late...

2. Snorers: If you know that you snore like a chainsaw, you should be banned from falling asleep on planes. Seriously. Or at least get a Breathe Right strip or something.

3. Bringing your bed pillow from home: Yeah, we know, those airplane pillows are small, uncomfortable, and likely germ ridden. But there really isn't room in your seat for you and your full-size bed pillow. It forces you to encroach upon your neighbor's space. Either suck it up and go pillowless, or again, buy a c-shaped neck pillow.

4. Rude flight attendants: I'm not sure if they tell you this, but one of your essential job functions as a flight attendant is to ATTEND TO PASSENGERS. So whenever I get a flight attendant who rolls his or her eyes and is rude to anyone who dares ask him or her for anything, I must wonder why he or she chose this profession. On one of my flights, a passenger asked a simple question about her connecting flight, and the flight attendant snapped at her and said, "My only job is to get people drinks." I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that is not your ONLY job as flight attendant. On another flight there was a lot of turbulence, and the Fasten Seatbelt sign was illuminated almost the entire 6-hour flight. Obviously during a 6-hour period, people inevitably need to use the bathroom! So obviously they had to get up while the sign was illuminated. The flight attendants kept yelling at people to sit down, quite rudely. Would they prefer these passengers wet their seats?

5. Rude passengers: People really need to stop yelling at airport employees for things that are beyond their control. One of my flights was delayed due to bad weather. Bad weather = no human being's fault. And yet multiple people were yelling at the ticket agents because they were going to be late and miss their connection. Hmmm...does yelling at the ticket agent stop the bad weather? Does it magically make the airplane take off sooner? Nope. It just makes you a bad person. I also heard people asking if they could call the airline at the connecting airport and ask them to hold their connection. Oh yeah, SURE. Let's hold an entire flight for ONE late passenger. You're that important. Way more important than EVERYONE else on the flight.

Of course it was all worth it to see my dear friend become happily married, and to spend time with my lovably nutty family. But no more flying for me for a few months...

Deli Counter Jerks

This grievance is very similar to a past post on line cutters, but I am so annoyed by this recent experience that I feel compelled to post.

Last week I went to the deli counter at Safeway to grab a sandwich to make it through a ver late night at work. There was a man being helped, so I stood to his left and patiently waited. The woman making his sandwich was taking her slooooooooooooooow asssssssssss tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime, so I waited for at least 10 minutes. Finally, another woman came over. At that exact moment, some punk 20-something guy walked over. She went right to him and asked him what he wanted! Despite the fact that I had clearly been standing there waiting to be helped for quite some time.

Now, this woman was a jerk for ignoring me, but so was the guy. Dude, I obviously hadn't been helped yet. The courteous thing to do was tell the deli lady that I was there first and let me order first. But nope...selfish jerkface guy placed his order and got instant help. I had to wait even LONGER than I already had. Nice manners, DB. You'll make some woman very lucky someday...

So immediately after she takes his order, THEN the mean deli woman looks at me and says, "oh...are you waiting?" Um, YEAH. She goes, "well you were supposed to wait over HERE," and nodded slightly to the left of where I was standing. There was no sign anywhere that said "wait here." And I was standing a 2 feet from the spot. And clearly she knew I was waiting. She ignored me on purpose. I must have seriously offended her sense of rightness by waiting 2 feet away from the "correct" sandwich ordering spot.

As she had not began making DB's sandwich, one of the two of the jerks could have let me go first. But nope. She made his order. Serves me right for standing to the LEFT of the guy who was already there instead of standing to his RIGHT. How DARE I?

Moral of the story: guy who walked in and got help instantly even though I had clearly gotten there first and was waiting = big jerk. Deli woman who intentionally ignored me and punished me for not magically knowing the correct place to stand to place my order = bigger jerk. It took me almost 20 minutes to get a crappy Safeway sandwich, and I left in a foul mood. I hate rude, inconsiderate people. :(

Ode to the Bicyclist on Redhill Blvd

For choosing a bicycle over a car, reducing carbon emissions, and promoting a healthy lifestyle...I would like to thank you.

For riding far enough into road so that no cars can pass you, on a majorly busy city road, during peak commuting hours, thus creating a long snake of angry drivers who would like to drive faster than 15 mph so they can get home and eat dinner...I would like to kick you in your spandex-clad ASS.

Leaving You High and Not So Dry

We've all been there. You've just done your business in the lavatory. You reach for the toilet paper. BUT IT'S NOT THERE. You're face to face with the terrible sight of the tiny brown empty cardboard tube. What do you do now??? You're literally stuck sitting there, unclean, panicking, wondering what TERRIBLE AWFUL PERSON took the last of the toilet paper and did NOTHING about it, leaving you to wonder how the hell you're going to get out of there with your dignity intact! WHO WOULD INFLICT THIS ON THEIR FELLOW MAN???

Most of the time for guys, it ain't no thing. A little shake, zip up, they're out. But for women, it is far more complicated. What are we to do? Maybe there is a paper toilet seat cover nearby. Not exactly absorbent, and definitely not Angel Soft, but it's better than nothing. If you're lucky, you have a tissue in your purse. If none of those are on hand, you have limited options. You can suck it up and zip up, knowing that you will be forced to spend the rest of your day feeling icky and ashamed. You can sit there for as long as you can, wiggle around a bit to shake it off, then wait to air dry as much as possible to minimize the ickiness. Do you (GASP) use your hand? Can you live with yourself? Or do you stay put until some kind soul comes around, so you can beg for some toilet paper, hoping that the passer-by can spare a square?

When it comes to numero dos, things are far more dire. There is NO acceptable solution in this situation. Whether male or female, it is highly unacceptable to pull up the pants after a number two. The horror. The HORROR. The mental anguish. Not to mention the severe sanitation concerns, and the subsequent need to throw away and possibly burn whatever you were wearing that day.

So this all begs the question...WHO WOULD DO THIS TO YOU???

With public restrooms, it is the fault of the establishment. The onus is not on the random member of the public who uses the last of the toilet paper at say, the movie theater, or a restaurant. There needs to be regular checks of those stalls. If a roll is getting low, you restock. You have a backup roll on hand at ALL times. If these are not your regular restroom practices, you are not fit to run a business.

In residential situations, if you are the one who gets down to the cardboard tube, then you have a moral obligation to do something about it. If you live there, you replace it. If you are a guest, you tell whoever lives there to refill. Smart people bring out another roll when the old one is running low. And for the love of GOD, keep some spare rolls under the bathroom sink!

And you know what is almost worse than leaving it completely empty? Leaving it with ONE sheet left. You know that sheet that is half glued to the tube, hanging off in scraps? Whoever leaves that flapping in the wind and thinks that they are not screwing over the next person is a real asshole. That one "sort-of" sheet merely taunts the stranded sitter, adding insult to injury.

And yet, people still take the last sheet, enjoy the luxury of its availability, wash their hands (hopefully), and just walk out. They don't think about the deep emotional scars they are inflicting on the poor soul sitting there, up a creek without a paddle, hating whoever did this to them, hating themself, and ruing whatever they recently ate or drink that has forced them into this terrible position.

Most of us haven't been used to sitting in our own waste since the diaper days. There are few things more abhorrent. So I implore you...don't wipe and walk. It's a sacred region down there. Let's give it the respect it deserves.

And a tip to the rest of us...check the roll BEFORE you go. I know sometimes you're faced with an emergency, but that quick TP scan can save you from colossal disaster. And you're worth it.

People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Grocery Carts

Mike was just at the grocery store, and a kid around 8 or 9 was throwing some sort of tantrum. He was whining about not getting something he wanted, and to show his discontent, he was jerking the cart around and pushing it in front of his mother to get to her. The mother did nothing...didn't tell him to stop, didn't take the cart away from him...nothing.

A bit later, Mike was bending over to pick something up from the dairy section and a cart suddenly jammed into his calf and Achilles tendon. That's right, you guessed it...in the throes of his continuing tantrum the little punk kid had catapulted the cart right into Mike's leg. Out of instinct, Mike exclaimed "Ow, what the $@&#!" I'd say that's a pretty normal reaction when a cart slams into you unexpectedly.

So what did oblivious mother do? Did she apologize? Did she ask Mike if he was okay? Nope...she scolded Mike for swearing. Um...HUH? I know Mike should not have sworn, but her kid should not have been whipping the cart around, or he would not have rammed it into Mike's leg, thus instigating the swear. If it's anyone's fault, it's HERS. Ironically, the kid actually had a look of remorse on his face before his mom stepped in to yell at Mike. Good thing his mom took away any chance of him learning a lesson from all this...

Bottom line, I'm pretty sure she would have been pissed if Mike scolded her for the way she was handling her son's tantrum. ("How DARE you question my parenting skills??!!!") But somehow she thought she had the right to scold Mike for swearing? People like her have no self-awareness...they don't see their own flaws, yet have no problem telling everyone else what is wrong with them.

All I'm saying is if you don't have your own crap in order, don't go around telling other people what to do. Because it just makes you an asshole. And a really bad role model for your kid.

Gas Pump Hogs

This past weekend, my friend and I were driving back from LA to SF. My friend had to be back to SFO for a flight, and though we were making excellent time, we didn't have much time to spare. We inevitably had to stop for some gas, and pulled into an Arco.

Despite the fact that there were 3 gas pumps in a row, this girl decided to park her car at the first pump, even though she could have pulled up. Then she went inside the station to do who knows what. Buy some stuff, use the restroom. It was ages before she came back and even BEGAN pumping. There was not enough room to drive around her and go to one of the two empty pumps ahead of her. So we were stuck, sitting there, waiting for this selfish hog to do her thing before she decided she felt like pumping her gas.

People...ALWAYS PULL UP!!! You don't just take the first pump and stop. That is absurd. You pull as far forward as you can, to the last pump possible, so you aren't taking up ALL 3 pumps, when you only need ONE. You also pump your gas, and move the hell out of the way. You don't just leave your car there while you run your errands. Repark your car out of the way and THEN use the bathroom and buy your Diet Pepsi and your nachos. It's that simple.

I thought this was well-known gas pumping etiquette. ESPECIALLY when you are at a gas station off of a major highway, where many, MANY people will be stopping for gas and don't want to take all day to do so. This jerkface turned a normally 5-minute stop into a nearly 20-minute stop, for absolutely no reason. Why do I continue to be shocked by this type of completely selfish behavior? Will I ever learn??

Note: my friend did make her flight, despite the dumb girl's self-absorbed, egomaniacal gas pumping habits. But only due to my super speedy I-5 driving prowess...

FILL THE DAMN BRITA!!!

I just went to the refrigerator at work to pour myself a nice glass of Brita-filtered water. I was ridiculously thirsty. I opened the fridge...and the Brita pitcher was completely empty.

What the hell is going through your head when you pour the last of the water and then decide to put the EMPTY pitcher back in there? I'm assuming it goes something like this: "Oops, water's all gone. The courteous thing to do would be to refill it before putting it back into the fridge, but I am extremely lazy and selfish, and so I will take my delicious cold water and be happy, and too bad for whatever punk is next in line. Wah ah ah!!!"

So yes, I had to fill the pitcher and sit there while it filtered through, meanwhile dying of thirst, only to then drink my lukewarm water. Thank you very much, person who took the last of the water and did not fill it.

Also, a little fyi: an empty plastic pitcher need not be refrigerated. Just leave it on the counter, selfish lazyface. At least then I'll know I'm SOL before I open the fridge in parched anticipation.